


I'm Here, I'll Always Be Here

by raynarvaez_j_r



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Fluff, M/M, Mavin, RageHappy, Social Anxiety, so be nice, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:06:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2368700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raynarvaez_j_r/pseuds/raynarvaez_j_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael struggles with social interaction and crowds, so much so that one day he retreats to a bathroom at school where he meets the intriguing new British guy, Gavin Free. Michael knows that he shouldn't trust or open up too much to anyone, but with Gavin, it just seems so easy and natural. Despite the fact that Michael told Gavin to "leave him alone", Gavin seems to always be there for Michael when he needs him most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First fanfiction! Woo! So the first chapter's a bit short but it just sort of came to a natural end. Btw, I literally have no plan for this so wish me luck. And one more thing, I'm English so if parts of the American High School stuff is wrong, that's why and please feel free to correct me in the comments. Okay, enjoy!  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Michael stood with his back against his locker, his friends surrounding him in a circle. He didn't really notice them as all he could concentrate on was breathing. _In. Out. In. Out._ The crowd bustling down the corridor was overwhelming even though his friends created a barrier of defence. Everything seemed to be closing in, tightening his throat and making his heart beat faster. He felt his hands start to sweat and his thoughts turn to sinister ones.

“Gotta take a leak.” He excused himself and walked quickly to the nearest bathroom, attempting not to run there. He could feel Ray and Geoff's eyes boring into the back of his head with concern. They thought that Michael had seemed much more nervous and on edge recently and he always seemed to be going to the bathroom which they were sure was not the result of a weak bladder. They turned back to the rest of the group, looking at each other, both asking the same question through furrowed eyebrows.

Michael found his way to the bathroom in 37 seconds (he counted) and checked to see if any of the stalls were occupied. _Nobody. Thank god,_ he thought, still struggling to breathe. He could feel the tears well up in his eyes as he opened a stall door, locked it and sat on the toilet seat. He needed to stop crying at school. What would it do to his image? He was supposed to be Michael Jones, the confident, loud-mouthed, terrifying bear that people either feared or loved. How would they react if they saw him now? Sweat dripping form his forehead and tears falling from his nose to the dirty floor. He sniffed loudly and tried to conceal a threatening sob which just resulted in weird noises and more tears.

Just as he was counting to 100 to slow down his breathing (he reached 42), the bathroom door creaked open. Michael sat paralysed but his breathing was too heavy for anyone to ignore. The other male spoke with a heavily accented and gentle voice.

“Sorry, um excuse me. Are you okay? I saw you rush in here a few minutes ago, and you seemed flustered. I just wanted to check that you were all right,” he trailed off.

“Leave me alone.” Michael said, attempting to sound aggressive but it just ended up sounding sad and distant.

“Well I can't do that now. You sound upset. I'm Gavin Free by the way. I just moved here, started today actually. It seems pretty top here. Who are you?”

“Michael Jones,” he grumbled.

“It's nice to meet you. I would shake your hand but there seems to be a door in the way.” Michael could hear Gavin's infectious smile in his voice, as if he were incredibly proud of the joke he just made.

Michael's breathing had slowed but he was still sweating and could still feel tears glistening his eyes.

“Why are you talking to me?” He didn't mean for it to sound so rude but it seemed like the best delivery option.

Honestly, Michael was scared of anyone finding out about his torment in the bathroom but talking to Gavin right now seemed so easy. _No,_ Michael thought. He couldn't trust that easily again.

“Like I said, I saw you walking pretty quickly and you seemed upset. I just wanted to help... I don't like seeing people sad.” A childish manner entered Gavin's voice. “Are you gonna come out of there at all? I'm not trying to push you or anything! I just..” he trailed off, unsure of what he really wanted.

Michael stood slowly, feeling his legs almost give way but he kept his balance and wiped the tears away from his face before unlocking the door. He opened it slightly and peered through a small crack he created. He saw the British boy he had been talking to and was happily surprised to see that he was scrawny and didn't appear to be much of a threat. However, instead of someone Michael could square up to, Gavin seemed very attractive and almost compelling. His large nose was slightly distracting but it worked well on his face while his unkempt hair looked like he'd literally just woken up and judging by his 5 o'clock shadow, he probably had. He looked a mess but an intentional, adorable mess.

Michael stepped out of the stall and stood facing Gavin. They stared at each other for what seemed to be the longest time ever; just taking each other in. Michael saw himself in the mirror behind Gavin and barely recognised himself. His red curls were stuck to his head and his face shined from every direction. Finally, he broke the silence.

“Sorry, I don't usually look like this.” Michael looked down at his feet as Gavin suddenly realised he was in real life and snapped out of his trance. He took a step towards Michael, considering the fact that they were basically standing on opposite sides of the bathroom. Michael didn't flinch but felt the pressure build as Gavin moved closer.

“Don't worry, I think you look all right. Maybe a bit sweaty though.” Gavin reached into a stall, pulled off some tissue and handed it to Michael. With his arm outstretched, Michael noticed his beautiful arms and the way his perfect blue veins showed on his skin. He hesitantly took the tissue and wiped his forehead and under his eyes, hoping to wipe away the dark circles too but unsurprisingly failing. He was just so tired all the time. He messed up his hair so that it looked as if it hadn't been glued to his face a few seconds ago.He reached into his bag, grabbed his beanie and shoved it onto his head. _Much better,_ he thought.

“Thanks.” He couldn't look into Gavin's eyes for fear of embarrassment but he meant his words sincerely.

“No problem boi. So why are you in here anyway? Did something happen? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.” Gavin spoke incredibly quickly while asking too many questions and he knew it but Michael ended up laughing. He couldn't quite believe that he went from crying his eyes out, panicking about every little thing, and here he was now, laughing with a totally random (adorable) guy.

“I don't really know. I can't deal with big crowds I guess and it just freaked me out. It doesn't usually happen.” That was a lie but he didn't want to worry Gavin.

He wasn't sure why he was opening up like this, but it seemed so easy here with Gavin Free. Like you were standing on top of the world with euphoria. But Michael also knew that this would be a bad idea in the long run. He couldn't really trust Gavin, could he? He'd only just met the guy! What if he told the entire school that he saw Michael 'Mogar' Jones crying in the bathroom. No way could he let that happen.

“I get like too sometimes, but maybe not to the extent that you do. But hey, don't worry about it, they're just people out there.”

Michael could feel his thoughts turn sinister and think of all the bad things that could happen. Things that were probably unlikely to happen but there was always that 'what if'. He couldn't bare to think of himself as the joke of the school, especially allowing that to be spread by the new British guy.

Michael stared at Gavin, apologising to him through their glances. He didn't want to get angry at Gavin (especially since he hadn't done anything) but he couldn't risk it either. He couldn't risk opening up and getting shut down.

“Yeah..” Michael trailed off. “Look, can you just leave me alone now?” He tried to stay calm but he could feel the aggression rising in his throat.

“I thought we were getting along.”

“Well you thought wrong. Get out of my face.” Michael spoke louder this time as he took a step toward Gavin.

“I was just trying to help..” Gavin lost his voice toward the end of his sentence.

“Get out!” Michael got incredibly close to shouting.

“But Mich-”

“GO!” This time the scream came, and with it came angry tears.

Gavin turned incredibly quickly and rushed out of the door, almost hitting his nose on it as he pushed it open.

Michael spun quickly into the stall and started crying once again until the bell for 1st period went.

 

***

 

Lunch came around and Michael was happy to be seeing his friends after the bathroom incident. His classes had bored him to the point of no return so it was going to be nice to just chat and be able to stop thinking so much.

Michael walked into the cafeteria, grabbed a tray, some food and walked round the edge of the room to where he and his friends usually sat. Turning the corner, he noticed Geoff, Ray, Jack, Ryan and someone else. Michael literally stood in shock, unsure of what to do. He tried to step backwards to go eat his lunch in the library but Ray saw him and waved him over. _Dammit_.

Michael walked towards the table and sat down. Everybody greeted him.

“Hey Michael,” Ray started, “this is Gavin. He's just started today but he's actually kind of cool.”

“Cool as dicks,” Geoff spat, reinforcing Ray's point.

“Yeah, and he loves video games too. Anyway, he should be telling you this, not me.” Ray turned to Gavin, letting him continue but Gavin just looked at his tray, shooting a sideways glance at Michael.

“Okay...” Jack said, confused. “Well now we've all been introduced, let's stop acting like morons and discuss Destiny.”

“It's alright,” Ray automatically replied, “not great but mediocre.”

Everyone began to chat about anything they could think. They discussed video games, movies, parties, relationships and video games. However, all Michael and Gavin could do was look at each other. They both tried to join in the conversation but always ended up seeing the other looking at them. The glances weren't full of malice or hatred, but loss and longing. They had known each other for 10 minutes but they both knew that they had lost what could have been an amazing friendship.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that the chapters are kinda short. I'm not very good at adding stuff in and editing drafts since I tend to write everything in one go and just go with the flow. But anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Over the next few weeks, Michael and Gavin avoided each other as much as they could, aside from lunch. Well, to be fair, Michael avoided everyone apart from his friends but it was intentional with Gavin. They could get through most of the day without looking at each other but never once did they stop thinking about each other.

Michael often ran to the bathroom like he had on the first day of senior year, hoping to find Gavin, but never once was he calmed down by his stupid British accent. Even though Michael made out that he hated Gavin and wanted nothing to do with him, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Gavin was the one he would think about before he fell asleep. Gavin was the one he hoped would be turning around the corner. Gavin was the one he wished would be there for him, especially since he felt himself getting worse.

Everyday was like a war in Michael's mind. A war of balance. It was difficult to decide how to deal with each situation, by either standing up to the challenge, or running away. Michael always did the latter. He didn't think this was affecting anyone around him, apart from himself but he knew that things were getting bad when Ryan finally mentioned something.

“Hey, so, Michael.” Ryan said as they were walking down the hall toward calculus. “What are you doing this weekend?”

“I don't know. Probably video games, as usual.” Michael faked laughed and looked at his feet.

“Sounds.. pretty boring to be quite honest. That's all you ever seem to do these days. We all miss seeing you somewhere other than school.” Ryan didn't mean any of this harshly; in fact, he sounded rather sad saying it. The main problem was that Michael knew he was right.

“Well actually, playing video games isn't boring,” Ryan laughed and continued, “but it's always better with friends.” He smiled and let Michael respond.

“I'm sorry Ryan. I don't do it on purpose, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I get it man. Sometimes we all want our alone time but you've just had a lot of it. We're all concerned, that's all. We don't ever want you to feel alone, because we all care about you a lot.”

Michael was quite take aback by Ryan's words because he felt as if no one really cared a lot about him these days. Michael knew he had really great friends, but since the whole Gavin thing, he'd honestly felt a bit left out. Like no one really paid attention but Michael knew that he could only blame himself for not talking to Gavin or making an effort to put himself out there.

“Thanks Ryan, that seriously means a lot.” Michael smiled sincerely at him. “I really am sorry. We should all organise something together.”

Usually when any of them planned something, it usually just involved pizza, video games and a few beers when parents were away.

“Don't worry about it.” Ryan patted Michael's back reassuringly. “You know what?”

“What?” They both stopped outside the room, waiting for the bell to go. They couldn't seem  _ that _ eager.

“Lindsay's having a party on Friday night. Why don't you join us? Everyone's going. Me, Jack, Geoff, Ray, Gavin, Miles, Kerry, anyone you can think of. It might take your mind off things.” Ryan meant this statement sincerely but Michael couldn't stop thinking about the fact that nobody had asked him sooner.

“Maybe. Thanks.” Michael smiled at Ryan, hoping not to reveal too much of his inner thought process.

“By the way, before you think we're all a bunch of jerks for not asking you sooner, we didn't mean anything by it. We only did it because we know how you and Gavin don't exactly get along, and we didn't want to cause tension between the two of you. Gavin actually suggested it was best to wait for a bit before committing you to anything. I don't know, that's what he said.” Ryan shrugged and starting talking to the girl in front of him about the party.

Michael's stomach did a flip as Ryan mentioned the fact that Gavin was looking out for him. However, his stomach then ended up plummeting as he realised what he half agreed to. He had just 'sort of' agreed to go to a party that probably consisted of their entire senior year.

The thought of this concept made Michael feel physically sick, to the point that he knew he was going to throw up. Michael walked into calculus, sat at his desk and tried to focus on breathing.  _ In. Out. In. Out.  _ The bell rang and the rest of the class filtered in, along with Mr. Burns, their teacher. As soon as he entered, Michael got up to talk to him privately as he couldn't talk in front of the entire class.

Michael trusted Mr. Burns because he was so understanding and friendly. Mr. Burns also knew about Michael's issues so when Michael asked to go to the bathroom, he let him go without question.

Michael walked quickly to the closest bathroom and found himself in the same one, in the same stall as the first day. The tears began to line his eyes as he thought about everything that could go wrong at this party.

What if he tripped up and everyone saw? What if he was left alone with none of his friends to be seen? What if he had to meet strangers? What if he wasn't wearing the right thing? What if people actually found out about his 'problems'? What if Gavin was there? What if he embarrassed himself in front of Gavin? What if everyone stared at him? What if he started crying?

All of these thoughts were so overwhelming that Michael had to kneel over the toilet seat. He proceeded to vomit for what seemed like forever. He heard the door swing open but he didn't care any more, no one would know it was Michael. Unless they knew what his shoes looked like which would be ridiculous.

“Michael?” It sounded like Mi-cool. “Is that you in there?”

Michael couldn't bring himself to speak so he flushed the toilet and sat against the door of the stall with his head in his hands. He began to cry again, aware that Gavin was positioning himself to sit on the other side of the door.

“Are you okay?” Gavin's voice was gentle and uplifting, but also very sad. Michael could hear his worry quiver in his voice.

“No.” Michael mumbled through his hands.

“I'm here Michael. I'll always be here.”

They sat there for 10 minutes just listening to each other breathing, before Michael decided to be brave and get ready to go back to class. Gavin had already given him a mint so he was okay on that front. He heard Gavin shuffle out of the way as he opened the stall door.

Michael stepped out of the stall, noticing that Gavin was pretty far away. I guess he was still unsure of where they stood with each other. To be fair, Michael was also unsure.

Over-emotional Michael walked towards Gavin, hoping not to startle him. Gavin stayed where he was, swaying. Michael stood right in front of the stupid adorable British guy, put both hands on his cheeks and gently pressed their lips together. The kiss was tender but full of passion, as they let out all of their emotions at once. It only lasted a few seconds but it felt like hours. Hours of unsaid words filtering into one moment. Michael's stomach filled with butterflies and he thought he literally saw fireworks, but this was what made him pull away.

Michael couldn't cope with his emotions right now, and knew that he made a mistake by kissing Gavin. Even though it had felt so right, it felt so wrong too. He needed time to work it through in his head, and in the meantime, he couldn't think about Gavin. He wasn't even sure if he liked him in that way or if it was just an in the moment instinct.

Michael mirrored Gavin's expression of shock as he pulled away. He quickly turned and before running out the door, he mouthed “I'm sorry” as he left Gavin, standing motionless in the middle of the bathroom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are fab and really helpful so thank you in advance <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reallyyyyy sorry for taking a while to update, I just got really busy. Anyway, chapter 3 is here so enjoy it!

The Friday of the party arrived quicker than Michael had expected and he still hadn't completely agreed or disagreed to going. He realised that he'd said 'maybe' which basically meant yes in all his friend's eyes. However, the party wasn't the highest thing on Michael's priority list.

He couldn't get the kiss with Gavin out of his head. It's like it infected him. He knew he shouldn't have done it, but he was so emotional and Gavin was there and it was all he could think about doing. He acted like he hated Gavin for the past few weeks but really he couldn't get him out of his head. Michael knew he had a crush but he wasn't willing to admit that to himself yet.

The kiss was everything Michael had ever wanted. Michael had never had a relationship before, nor had he kissed anyone, apart from in truth or dare. And anyone he had kissed, had no feelings left behind. But this kiss with Gavin meant something and he felt every good feeling he could in those few seconds. It was special and he hoped Gavin felt like that too but he was sure that probably wasn't the case.

The problem with the kiss is that it ended up upsetting Michael more than bringing him excitement. In the back of his mind, he knew that Gavin must have thought he was fucking weird, and he knew he had to leave him alone for good now.

Michael spent the rest of the week in the library at lunch, using the excuse that he had a lot of homework. He avoided Gavin in all his classes and refused to go back to that bathroom. He didn't see Gavin at all in the week but the party was getting closer and Michael knew that they would have to speak at some point.

Every night that week, Michael ended up raiding his parent's alcohol cupboard and tried to drain his issues away with it. It didn't work but it meant he was pretty prepared for Friday night. Michael did this often but he never did it to the extent that he did that week. Everything just started piling up on him and even though to most people, his 'problems' would seem stupid, they were still too much for Michael to handle.

As the last bell for the day rang on Friday, everybody filed out of their classrooms, eager to get home to get ready for the big party at Lindsay's. Michael and his friends met around Geoff's locker to discuss what they were doing about rides and times. Michael usually felt all right in the hallway with his friends surrounding him. Gavin thankfully had to go home straight away so Michael was free from him.

“So, who's picking me up?” Ray asked proudly.

“That's it Ray, be a bit more cocky.” Geoff replied. “But I will, since I think I'm designated driver.”

“Oh no Geoff, we all know how much you love drinking. I'll do it.” Jack stepped in with a smile.

“Thanks buddy.” Geoff patted Jack on the back.

“Are you going to pick me up too Jack?” Michael asked pleadingly.

“Sure, whatever. Guess I'm getting Ray and Geoff too then.”

They both looked at him with thankful, puppy dog eyes. They all laughed at that.

“Who's getting Gavin?” Ryan asked.

“I think he said he was gonna walk or something. I don't think he lives far from Lindsay, maybe a couple of streets away.” Ray answered.

That saved the car journey for Michael then. He resisted the urge to literally wipe his forehead.

“Okay, so I'll swing by Geoff's at 8, pick up Ray, then Michael and then to Lindsay's. Correct?”

Everyone nodded.

“Wait, where does Ryan come into this?” Michael asked, confused.

“He's coming back to my house to play some video games before.” Jack said.

Ryan nodded in agreement.

“Oh right, got ya. Right, well I better get going. See you guys later.”

Everyone waved to Michael as he walked away, hoping not to make it obvious that he wanted to get home quickly. Just the talk of it all made him sweaty and sick.

 

*

 

Jack pulled up to Michael's house with a car full at 8:24pm. He honked the horn, not willing to get out of the car. Michael looked out of his bedroom window to see the car, grabbed his jacket and said goodbye to his mom. He hopped down the front step of his porch, feeling way too happy for what was going to happen tonight. The fact that Michael Jones, the guy who's sometimes too scared to stand in the hallway, was going to a party.

“Hey man.” Jack called into the back as Michael climbed in and sat next to Ray, who was squished up against Geoff.

“Hello my friends!” Michael beamed at them. They all directed a confused glance toward him but they brushed it off as nothing.

Jack put the car into drive and began pulling out of Michael's driveway and onto the road.

“So how is everyone on this fine night?” Michael asked with genuine interest, smiling as he said so.

“Alright man. Uh, are you okay?” Ray asked, confused by Michael's unusual optimism.

“Fucking happy as a puppy on a walk in the park.” Michael nearly slurred his words, but stopped himself.

Geoff laughed, “Are you fucking drunk?” Geoff meant it as a joke but he looked to Michael as he said it, realising that he suddenly hung his head.

Michael was definitely drunk, more than was probably considered healthy, especially before a party. He couldn't help it when he got home from school. He was just so worried about the party and he knew alcohol took the edge off, but he may have taken it a bit far.

“Hey, don't worry about it buddy.” Ray patted his shoulder. “It's good that you're happy about going really.”

And that was the perk that Michael needed. In this state, any form of compliment/pick-me-up would bring Michael back up to where he was where he was actually looking forward to the party.

Michael even forgot about Gavin on the car journey there. Well he didn't forget about him, but he stopped thinking about their stupid kiss for at least 10 minutes on the way to Lindsay's. The guys were talking about what they were planning on doing this evening. It mostly consisted of getting as shit faced as Michael was already. At least he wouldn't be alone by the end of the night.

Since Ray didn't drink, he promised that he would stay with Michael, to ensure that he didn't drink any more. Michael was thankful for this, but all he wanted to do was get to the point that he could just stop thinking in general and enjoy himself for once.

Jack pulled up outside of Lindsay's house and parked the car on the street. Everyone jumped out and walked up to the front door, where they were greeted by Lindsay, Miles and Kerry.

“Hey guys. Good to see you all.” Lindsay hugged everyone and stopped before she hugged Michael. “I'm really glad you came.” She then hugged him and smelled the smell of alcohol on his breath. “Starting early I see? Nice one.” She laughed and guided them in as Michael smiled at her.

The house was completely full, with music blaring and red cups everywhere. For once, Michael didn't feel nervous. He wanted to talk to everyone; he wanted to dance; to drink more. He knew it was the alcohol that made him think this way but he wanted it to be his thoughts alone just for tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get time to proof read so if there's spelling or grammar mistakes, I'll edit them soon. The party will continue in the next chapter so I'm sorry for leaving it on a bit of a (not really) cliffhanger.   
> Comments are always appreciated <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomiting occurs. I didn't go into detail but it's basically suggested. Just thought I should let you know.

Ray and Michael walked around the house, greeting everyone they knew but quickly lost interest and retreated into the kitchen where Michael could get another beer. Part of his mind knew it was a bad idea, but the other part was taking over and urged him to keep drinking. Michael couldn't even care less at this point so he just opened the bottle, while Ray got a bottle of water.

“Are you alright Michael?” Ray seemed concerned but Michael couldn't think of a reason why.

“Yeah, course man. Are you?” Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Yeah I am. I'm just worried 'cause you don't usually drink _this_ much before a party.”

“I felt like mixing it up a bit tonight Ray!”

“Understandable but I just get worried, y'know.”

“Don't worry about me Ray! I'm fucking fantastic.” Michael got close to shouting that last part.

“Alright man, whatever you say.” Ray laughed as he responded.

“Let's stop being fucking losers and go actually join this party.” Michael strutted out of the kitchen which caused Ray to laugh even more.

Michael and Ray walked into the hallway, and through to the living room where the music was the loudest. They were met with at least 30 people in a very tight room but they could still just about see their other friends.

They pushed through the bodies until they came to the corner where Geoff, Ryan, Jack, Miles, Kerry and Lindsay were standing. Usually, Michael would have had a miniature heart attack just being near a room with this many people, let alone being inside it. But tonight, Michael didn't even think about it. It didn't even cross his mind how worried he actually was.

“Hey guys.” Geoff shouted over the music, waving at the two boys.

“Hey Geoff. Hey everyone.” Michael replied cheerfully.

They continued their conversation, including Michael and Ray.

“He said he would be here as soon as we got here.” Jack said.

“Yeah, but when is he ever on time?” Ryan replied.

The group nodded, aside from Michael and Ray who were just very confused.

“Who are we talking about?” Michael asked.

“Gavin.” Lindsay said.

“Oh.” Michael trailed off and looked down at his feet. He suddenly realised why he had come here in the first place and the reason that he had gotten as drunk as he had.

The main reason Michael had come to the party was because he knew Gavin would be there, but he didn't exactly say no to coming. He realised his fuck up as soon as he had said 'maybe'. The reason he got drunk was because he knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with the party of Gavin without it. Michael didn't want to admit it to himself but he knew that it was all true.

Everyone else continued their conversation but Ray suddenly notice Michael go quiet. Ray placed a hand on Michael's shoulder.

“You okay?”

Michael forced a smile and replied, “Yeah. Like I said, I'm fucking fantastic..” He downed the rest of his beer, and suddenly felt his confidence come back. The smile turned into a grin as it became sincere.

Ray noticed the change and smiled back, “Okay.”

 

In the space of 2 hours, Michael had had another 4 beers and could feel himself either becoming more ecstatic or nauseous but it was hard to tell. In that time, Michael had lost Ray and pretty much everyone else but he thankfully hadn't seen Gavin. On second thought, Michael wasn't actually sure if not seeing Gavin was a good thing.

Michael ended up hanging around with Lindsay, who he wouldn't usually talk to in his spare time or around school. They used to be really close but Michael shied away from a lot of people in junior year and one of them was Lindsay. He felt bad for her as she didn't have many friends but she found good relationships in Barbara, Miles and Kerry. Michael was thankful for that but he always felt bad for letting Lindsay walk away.

“Having a good time Michael?” They were sat on the couch, watching people dance around them.

“Yeah, this party's awesome Linds. Good job.” Michael smiled at her.

“Aw, thanks. I only try to please.”

“I know you do.”

The song changed and Lindsay's eyes widened. The song had a lot of bass and made Michael vibrate from his feet up. It filled the entire house and it wasn't just Lindsay's favourite song as more people filed into the living room.

Lindsay turned to Michael and he saw her lips rise at the corners until she was fully grinning. “Do you wanna dance?” She asked.

Lindsay stood up and held out her hand. Michael took it without thinking and laughed at how ridiculous the situation was.

They danced for the entire song, surrounded by bodies, closing in on them. Michael was moving quickly, forgetting all his insecurities and just living in the moment. He forgot about Gavin and he forgot all the worrying about the amount of people. Until he realised he was moving too fast and suddenly felt himself get very hot.

Michael felt something rising up in his throat but he tried to remain calm. “I'll be right back.” He slurred to Lindsay.

He turned to move towards the stairs, trying not to run, but he couldn't stop his feet. He ran up the stairs and searched for the door to the bathroom. Thankfully, no one was inside so Michael barged in and slammed the door behind him.

He looked into the mirror and saw himself sweating, his face very pale. The longer he looked, the dizzier he felt. Michael stepped toward the toilet, knelt down and sat over the seat.

Gavin saw Michael run up the stairs, seeing his face sweaty and pale made him panic. He'd seen Michael a lot over the past few hours but couldn't bring himself to talk to him, afraid of any yelling Michael would direct towards him.

Gavin followed Michael and heard the door slam. He knew it was the bathroom he'd ran into to. Gavin almost laughed at the situation, because whenever him and Michael seemed to speak, it would be in a bathroom.

Gavin stood by the door, waiting until Michael seemed more stable. The sounds made Gavin gag himself but he kept himself strong, waiting until Michael calmed down.

Once the sounds stopped, Gavin knocked on the door.

“Michael. It's Gavin. I'm coming in.”

Michael's eyes widened in shock and he tried to say no but he couldn't make his voice audible.

The door opened but Michael didn't turn around. He just stayed lying over the toilet seat, unsure if he was able to move.

Gavin knelt down next to Michael and cautiously put a hand on his back. When Michael didn't flinch, he continued to rub his back gently.

Michael couldn't get away from Gavin's hand on his back. His muscles had just given up and it was all he needed right now. He didn't want help; he didn't need it but he was glad Gavin was there. Michael felt his whole body shudder, readying himself for more retching and vomiting.

Gavin moved his hand to Michael's hair and stroked his hair out of his face. His curly hair was so soft, even though Michael was sweating.

“I'm here Michael. I'm always here.” He continued to stroke his hair, as Michael's entire body gave in from the vomiting. He leaned against Gavin's chest and closed his eyes, feeling the weight of the things he'd forgotten that night wash over him once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that these chapters seem to be getting shorter but I really like this one so I don't really care.  
> Anyway, comments are always appreciated <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I wrote a longer chapter. What a miracle. Anyway, enjoy!  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

It was obvious that Michael was not in a state to remember anything that was happening that Friday night. Gavin continued to sit with Michael until he had finally finished throwing up and relaxed.

Michael began to shake and sweat more than Gavin had ever seen a person do. And to be fair, Gavin hadn't seen many people's bodies shake but just looking at Michael's state was alarming.

He also got the hint that Michael wasn't doing so good because he started crying as he tried to speak.

“Is that you Gav?” The nickname made Gavin's stomach flutter.

“Yeah, it's me Michael. Don't worry.”

“I'm so scared Gavin. I don't know why I came here in the first place.”

“Why are you scared?” Gavin stroked Michael's hair as to comfort him. Michael was still leaning against his chest, which made his heart beat faster.

“There are so many people here. They're all so close all the time.” Michael suddenly sat up and turned his head to look at Gavin. His eyes were wide. “Did I embarrass myself? Did I do something stupid? I'm always doing stupid stuff. Oh my God Gavin, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry for being a burden. I didn't mean-”.

“You've done nothing wrong Michael.” He wrapped his arms around Michael, pulling him back down to comfort him. Michael leaned back against Gavin again and turned his head into his chest, shielding himself away from the rest of the world.

“I'm sorry.” Michael muttered.

“Don't be.” Gavin stroked Michael's back, letting him relax again.

Gavin wasn't really sure what to do or how to react but he knew he had to take Michael home. He would take up that responsibility even though he knew that Michael would probably hate him even more tomorrow.

The main issue with this plan was that he had no idea where Michael lived or how to get him there.

Gavin reached into his pocket and quickly called Ray. He could still hear the thumping from the music downstairs and hoped that Ray would hear his phone. Gavin continued to comfort Michael as the phone rang.

“What's up Vav?” Ray was close to shouting as he answered the phone. Gavin could hear the music in the background but that could have been reinforced by it travelling through the floor.

“Ray, I need your help. Can you come to the bathroom upstairs?”

“That's a fucking weird request. I don't know if I'm comfortable with helping you out with whatever you're doing up there.”

“Ray, just come here.” Gavin sighed.

“Okay okay, I'm coming.”

Ray walked up to the bathroom, expecting to see the door closed but was met with two of his friends cuddled up on the floor.

“I knew it.” Ray held a smug expression.

“Ray, seriously, I need to take Michael home.”

“To do what?” Ray smirked.

“Stop. We need to get him home and I don't know where he lives.” Gavin pleaded with his eyes and Ray suddenly realised that this was more serious than he had originally thought.

“Oh okay. Sorry. I'll get Jack to get his car and take him home.”

“I want to be there. Just to make sure he's safe.”

“Alright. Meet me downstairs with Michael in 5 minutes. If you can manage.”

“I got him.”

Ray walked off on a search for Jack. Gavin stood up slowly as to not disturb Michael too much. As he did so, he held onto Michael's arm and slung it over his shoulders.

“Come on Michael, co-operate with me here.” Gavin dragged Michael up until he was standing but he still seemed uneasy.

Before they left the bathroom, Gavin splashed Michael's face with water to wake him up. Michael finally stood up on his own but still required the support from Gavin. He continued to mutter the words “I'm sorry” as they thudded down the stairs together.

Ray was standing at the bottom with Jack and helped Michael down the last few stairs. Ray tried to take Michael from Gavin, to relieve him of the weight of another person, but Michael resisted to let go of Gavin.

“Don't worry X-Ray, I got him.”

“Okay, he seems to want you anyway.”  
The 4 of them walked out to the car, Jack and Ray in the front, and Michael and Gavin in the back. Michael laid on the back seats, with his head in Gavin's lap.

“He's a bit up close and personal isn't he?” Jack said, looking through the rear-view mirror.

“He's really hammered. And you know, some people get really touchy feely when they're drunk.”

Both Jack and Ray laughed at the term 'touchy feely'.

“Fucking hell Gav, I really don't understand your British mannerisms sometimes.” Ray said through his laughter.

Gavin sighed and went back to focusing on Michael. Jack and Ray continued to talk, not paying attention to Gavin.

Michael looked adorable in the light of the street lamps. With his eyes closed, presumably half asleep, he looked so peaceful. His face glowed, exaggerating his features, especially the spaces around his mouth where his dimples were when he smiled. Gavin's mouth lifted as he imagined Michael's smile. It fitted his face so well and changed his entire persona from fucking terrifying, to the sweetest guy on earth.

Jack started slowing down and pulled up in front of what Gavin assumed was Michael's house. Gavin got out of the car and walked round to Michael's side. Ray and Jack joined him in trying to haul Michael off the seat. They got him out and he automatically hung onto Gavin.

The 4 of them (well three, one was being dragged) walked up to the porch. The porch light came on and it automatically freaked Gavin out.

“How is his mum gonna react?” Gavin asked.

“She'll be alright. She's used to this kind of thing. Or at least she's comfortable with it.” Jack responded as he reached for the key under the mat and unlocked the door.

“How do you know about that?” Gavin asked confusingly.

“Michael told us all, just in case anything happened. That's what he said, I don't know man.”

They walked into the house and turned on the light. The house smelt like Michael and Gavin had to breathe in multiple times to get used to it. It made his stomach flip.

The three of them hauled Michael up the stairs, which was definitely a challenge.

“For fuck sake Michael. Fucking stand up.” Ray whispered into Michael's ear.

“Too.. much.. effort.” Michael muttered.

Ray rolled his eyes as they got to the top of the stairs. They dragged him into Michael's room and threw him onto his bed. Michael automatically cuddled up to his blanket.

“I'll meet you in the car. I just want to check that's he okay.” Gavin said to Ray and Jack.

“Okay Vav, have fun.” Ray winked and walked out with Jack.

Gavin rolled his eyes and smiled. He turned his attention back to Michael.

“Hey Michael, how are you doing?”

"Tired. And hungry."

Michael's eyes were still closed as he spoke.

"I'll get you some food in a minute. Other than that, are you okay?"

"Fucking peachy." Michael smiled into his pillow. Gavin smiled back even though Michael couldn't see him.

Michael held out his hand. "Come lie with me Gavin."

Gavin had to resist the urge to cuddle up with Michael but took his hand anyway and decided to sit on the bed next to him. Michael didn't let go of Gavin's hand the entire time they were sat there.

It seemed like they were sitting there forever, just listening to each other's breathing slow down.

Gavin looked over at Michael and noticed that he had fallen asleep. The corners of Gavin's mouth lifted as he stood up to leave Michael's bedroom. Before he left, he planted a gentle kiss on Michael's forehead. As long as Michael didn't actually know that Gavin had done that, it could be kept as Gavin's little secret.

"Goodnight my little Michael."

 

*

 

Michael awoke the next morning with what felt like a drum constantly banging in his head. It took him a good 5 minutes to actually open his eyes, and when he did, everything was way too bright.

“Am I on the fucking sun?” He muttered to himself.

He rolled around his bed until he felt that he was getting used to the pain and finally sat up. Not a good idea. He instantly felt so dizzy that he thought he was going to throw up.

The thought of vomiting reminded him of last night. He honestly didn't remember a thing. Well, apart from throwing up a number of times. He suddenly noticed the disgusting taste in his mouth and made it his mission to get to the bathroom.

He slowly threw his legs over the edge of the bed and noticed that he was still wearing jeans. Weird. If he'd gotten himself home, surely he would've gotten changed.

He was able to stand up but his legs felt like jello. He held onto the night-stand for support and began shuffling towards the bathroom. Once he entered the hall, he heard footsteps.

“Good morning Michael.” Mrs Jones greeted him cheerfully.

Michael turned to look at his mother. “Morning mom.” His voice cracked but he continued to smile at his mother.

“Good night last night?”

“Yeah, it was great.”

“That's good. Do you need some help?” She looked concerned.

Michael had slowly moved to lean against the wall and obviously his mother has noticed. He hung his head and looked up through his eyelashes.

“Yeah, thanks..” He trailed off. He knew this was way beyond embarrassing but at least his mom knew that the party last night involved alcohol.

Mrs Jones was a very forgiving person and as long as Michael was happy, so was she. She knew that if she tried to keep him as the 'the perfect son' then he would go out of his way to be the complete opposite. So she allowed him to do basically whatever he wanted as long as it didn't consist of drugs or smoking. Or drinking all the time. Every now and then she was fine with.

Mrs Jones walked over to Michael and slung his arm over her shoulder. Michael suddenly remembered that happening last night too. But who had he hung on to?

They reached the bathroom and Michael's mother smiled at him. Then she walked away, down the stairs, and left Michael to stare into the mirror. He didn't even look like himself. He looked pale but at least he wasn't sweaty.

He brushed his teeth and jumped in the shower before returning back to his room, feeling a bit better. He got dressed and already began to feel human again.

Michael checked his phone to see if he had any texts that he had missed. He had 1 message from an unknown number.

Unknown number 11:49pm Fri 10 th  October:

"Hi, it's Gavin. I hope you don't mind, I got your number from Ray. Anyway, I hope you're okay after we took you home last night. You seemed a bit out of it. Feel free to text me back. I just want to know if you're doing alright"

 Gavin? Gavin had taken him home last night? Michael suddenly forgot how to breathe and realised that he had gotten so drunk last night that he'd completely forgotten how he even got home, let alone what happened. His hands began to sweat and he couldn't even think of a reply.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are fab! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter a lot, and I hope you enjoy it too!
> 
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

The message from Gavin wouldn't leave Michael's mind. He was so shaken by it that he didn't leave his room all of Saturday. To many, this would seem like an over-reaction but Michael didn't know how to react nor did he know what to think. So he ended up panicking, as that's all he knew how to do.

When he had calmed down for a few moments, he decided that ringing Ray would be a good idea. Ray may know what happened on Friday.

“Hey Michael, what's up?” Ray finally answered.

“Took you long enough.”  
“Dude, video games are my priority. You think I was gonna answer if I was for sure going to die. The answer is no.”

“Okay okay, I understand. Anyway, I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“What the fuck happened on Friday?”

“You don't remember? Holy shit, you were wasted!” Ray almost shouted.

“I guess I was. Just tell me what happened.”

“Not a lot actually. You just kept drinking.” Ray laughed at the memory. “You disappeared for a bit and then I found you and Gavin in the bathroom and then we took you home. Honestly, it's best to ask Gavin, he knows more than I do.”

Michael went quiet, trying to remember what happened but failed to think of anything. Maybe he should talk to Gavin. But he was supposed to hate Gavin. Obviously he didn't, but everyone else at school didn't know that. What would they think? What would Gavin think? But surely if Gavin took him home, he obviously didn't dislike Michael? Did Gavin say anything at the party? Maybe he was trying to be a nice guy..

“Michael, you there?” Ray interrupted his thoughts.

“Sorry, yeah. Uh thanks for the help, I gotta go now.”

“Oh okay, are you gonna talk to Gavin? Cos I can always ask him if you want?”

“NO.” Michael tried not to shout. “Sorry. No, it's okay, I'll talk to him.” Well now he committed. He cursed himself over in his head.

“Okay.. Well see you on Monday.”

“Yeah, see you Monday.”

Michael hung up the phone and hit himself lightly on the head. _God dammit Michael,_ he thought.

He unlocked his phone again, finding Gavin's number and prepared to call it. He sat there, staring at the screen, for what seemed like hours. His eyes started to leak as his thoughts turned dark and he thought of all the bad outcomes of Friday night and the phone call.

 

*

 

The weekend ended quickly and Michael's hangover finally subsided. His head still ached on Sunday but by Monday morning, it was like all the weight had been lifted. Then he realised that he would have to go to school and inevitably face Gavin. He had 3 lessons with Gavin today so it wasn't like he could completely ignore him.

Geoff picked Michael up at the usual time. He jumped into the back seat and before he could even get his seat belt on, he was already getting asked questions.

“How was your hangover? Mine was painful as dicks.” Geoff laughed, looking into the rear-view mirror as he pulled out of Michael's driveway.

Michael laughed at Geoff's ridiculous simile. “Yeah, it was pretty bad.”

“I mean, you were fucking out of it dude.”

“I don't actually remember anything so I bet I was.”

“Wait, you don't remember _anything_?” Ray butted in, turning around.

“Nope. I thought I told you that.”

“No, you didn't say that. I thought you forgot everything after you went to the bathroom.”

“I guess not..” Michael trailed off, remembering Gavin.

“Well, did you speak to Gavin?” Ray asked.

“Uh, no. I forgot.”

“Oh okay. Maybe you can speak to him today?”

“Yeah, maybe..” Michael looked down to his feet and fisted his hands into balls as to ignore the shaking.

He didn't want to see Gavin today. It was difficult enough to walk into school but having to talk to Gavin was such a stressful prospect. Michael wasn't even sure why he was so scared but it was probably for the same reasons that he shouted at Gavin on the first day of school. Because he thought Gavin was the bad guy. Someone who would tell everyone that Michael Jones was a “fucking pussy for crying in a bathroom”. He thought that Gavin was just mocking him.

The fact that he'd forgotten everything that had happened on Friday was even more daunting because he had no idea if Gavin had said anything to anyone. Yeah, Gavin may have helped him get home but what if he just talked shit to his friends?

Michael knew he was over thinking this too much but he was an expert on that particular subject. He did like Gavin, more than he probably should but he just couldn't trust him. Or could he? Michael didn't even know. His friends seemed to love him but he'd already created an image for himself regarding Gavin so he couldn't just change his mind now.

The journey to school was coming to an end but before they got there, Geoff started a conversation with Michael again.

“So Michael, when are you and Gavin actually gonna start talking? I really think you'd two make great friends.” Michael saw Geoff glance at Ray, then smirk into the rear-view mirror.

It's like Geoff was reading Michael's mind since his thoughts of Gavin were interrupted by a conversation about Gavin. And what was that glance at Ray all about?

“I don't know. He seems really fucking annoying if I'm honest. I guess I just don't like him that much and I don't think he likes me either.”

Geoff looked at Ray with raised eyebrows and they laughed subtly with each other.

“What?” Michael asked, concerned.

“Nothing, don't worry.” Geoff smiled at Michael and parked in their usual parking space.

The exchange worried Michael for the entire day. He even forgot about talking to Gavin, so by lunch time, he didn't really notice himself walk to the cafeteria. He hadn't been there in weeks, due to his point of avoiding Gavin so when he automatically strolled into the cafeteria, he was shocked by his own actions.

When he realised his mistake and his friends had seen him, he couldn't back out now. He walked cautiously round the edge of the room to the usual table and sat down, smiling at his friends to conceal his worries of being in a room with lots of people.

“Hey Michael.” Geoff said through a mouthful of fries.

“Hey.” Michael smiled at Geoff and his other friends. He looked around the table and did a double take when he saw Gavin. It wasn't a shock to see him but he was sure Gavin was looking at him. Not in a rude staring kind of way, but in a curious kind of way.

Gavin _was_ looking at Michael. He saw him sit down and noticed the cute way his hair flopped with the sudden movement. Gavin saw Michael's adorable dimples as he smiled at his friends. His eyes glistened as he saw his best friends sat around the table. Gavin noticed the love in Michael's eyes as he looked around at his friends and wished that he was apart of that. It seemed like something special to be loved by Michael Jones because he obviously didn't open up or love anyone easily. His angry persona made it difficult for people to see the real Michael but Gavin saw it. He'd experienced it. He'd seen Michael at one of his worst moments yet they still weren't even considered friends.

Gavin got up out of his seat and walked around the table to Michael. The others were still in their conversations with each other so they didn't notice how close Gavin got to Michael.

Gavin put a hand on Michael's shoulder and spoke quietly next to his ear. “Can I talk to you?”

Michael shrugged the hand off and got up. “Fine.” He spoke with a dismissive tone.

Michael followed Gavin into the corner of the cafeteria where no one was. Gavin chose the particular place with care as to keep Michael as comfortable as possible so they could have a proper conversation.

Michael stood with his arms crossed and watched Gavin's face as he tried to say something, anything but couldn't force the right words out. Gavin looked like an idiot with his mouth part open, just staring at Michael's face.

“What?!” Michael spoke loudly.

“Ray told me that you forgot what happened on Friday and I just wanted to clear it up for you, if that's what you want.”

Michael rolled his eyes and looked around the room, knowing that there were people somewhere looking at the two.

“Look, Michael I know you hate me, and quite frankly, I'm not sure why but all I ever want to do is help you. I know you struggle-”

Michael's eyes widened. “Shut up Gavin.” Michael whispered.

Gavin continued, “I know you struggle with your own issues but I've tried to be there for you. I will always be there for you.” Gavin thought about putting his hand on his shoulder as reassurance, but decided against it when he saw Michael's expressionless face.

“I don't need your help.” Michael said with annoyance. The truth was, was that he did need help. Gavin had done all he could to make him feel safe and all Michael could do was shut him down again.

Gavin raised his eyebrow, knowing that Michael was lying but he didn't say anything. “Okay, it's your call but I just don't want you to feel alone. I want to help you Michael. I don't want to leave you.” Gavin looked down at his shoes.

Michael's expression softened as he noticed the sincerity in Gavin's words. Did he over-react in the first place? Gavin looked up for a moment and Michael noticed the glistening in his eyes as if tears were forming.

Michael's entire mind set changed in that moment and he realised that Gavin wasn't actually a bad guy.

“Tell me about Friday.” Michael's voice conveyed a sense of defeat.

Gavin's entire body stood up straight and his mood perched up immediately. He looked at Michael and began to tell him everything (excluding the part where they were holding hands on Michael's bed together).

“Why did you do that? You didn't have to..” Michael finally said. He was so shocked that he couldn't speak for a while.

“I already said Michael-” Michael's stomach flipped at the way Gavin said his name “-I want to help you. I want to be there for you.” Gavin smiled at him.

Michael felt like crying. He'd never had another person care for him as much as Gavin did and a few moments ago, he would've refused to give him the time of day.

“I'm sorry Gavin.” Michael seemed confused by his own words.

“Why are you sorry Michael?” Mi-coo.  
“For being such an asshole to you.”

“Oh shh, don't panic. I know you were just defending yourself.” Gavin finally put a hand on Michael's shoulder, even though he felt it was risky. “You didn't trust me, but why would you? I was the weird new British kid. I wouldn't even trust me.” Gavin laughed slightly at his own comment.

Michael listened to Gavin but couldn't take his mind off of the feeling of Gavin's hand on his shoulder. Gavin's hand felt like it was tingling his skin underneath it.

“Thanks Gav.” Michael smiled.

The nickname again! Gavin's stomach filled with butterflies. “No problem Michael. I'm always here remember.” Gavin smiled in return. “So, friends?”

“Friends.”

Without thinking, Michael quickly brought Gavin into a very short, sweet hug. He felt the same feeling that he felt when Gavin touched his shoulder, but this time, it ran through his entire body.

When they pulled away to walk back to their friends and talk to them about their newly decided friendship, Michael felt the emptiness of Gavin. He felt the longing to hold him again, and feel safe in his arms.

 

***

 

Michael crashed onto his bed at 10pm, feeling a tidal wave of tiredness engulf him. School always took it out of him, especially when he was worrying about something that probably wouldn't even happen.

His eyes began to flutter close when he felt a vibrate in his pocket. He grabbed his phone and saw Gavin's number flash up on the screen. Michael's heart pounded with anticipation as he opened the message.

 

Gavin Free 10:09pm Mon 13th Oct

Goodnight my little Michael

 

Michael stared at the screen unsure of how to react. He wasn't sure whether to feel uncomfortable or fuzzy inside. He decided on the latter as he read the message over and over again in his head, imagining Gavin saying those words to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Michael and Gavin being friends!  
> Thank you for all the feedback, you all rock. It's always appreciated <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken forever but the chapter is finally here! Also, I'm sorry it's so short but it's basically a filler and I wanted to get it up. At least it was pretty eventful.  
> TW:  
> Homophobic slurs.  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

The week for Michael went relatively quickly while being friends with Gavin. He didn't have to worry about avoiding Gavin or wondering what Gavin thought, along with his friends.

He even felt comfortable walking down the halls because with Gavin, he felt safe. Michael wasn't sure what it was about Gavin but he felt like himself when he was with him. His other friends, notably Ray, noticed his behaviour change.

“Hey Michael.” Ray called as he walked towards Michael's locker where Michael and Gavin were standing.

They were laughing at something or other as Ray came striding over. Michael turned towards his name and smiled at Ray.

“Hey man, what's up?” Michael said cheerfully.

“Oh sorry Gavin, didn't see you there.” They exchanged smiles. “Not a lot really.”

Michael was stood against his locker, Gavin standing beside him, creating a barrier of defence.

“Oh okay. So why are you here? I don't mean to be rude, I just thought you'd be with the others.”

Michael and Gavin were stood so close that if either of them took a single step toward the other, they'd be in each other's arms.

“Oh no, I get it. I just thought I'd find out what my best friends were up to.”

“Just talking, you know.” Michael looked at Gavin and they both chuckled.

“That's cool. You know, I'm glad you two are friends. It makes life in this friendship group a lot easier. Just thanks for realising that you were being little bitches.”

“We only aim to please X-Ray.” Gavin chimed in.

Ray smiled at Gavin and moved towards Michael to whisper, “You seem a lot happier being friends with Gavin.”

Michael whispered back to his best friend. “I am.” He pulled back and smiled.

“Right, well I was just checking up on you losers. I don't need to be here any more. Ray out.” He turned around swiftly, strutting away from the growing laughter behind him.

“Bye Ray.” Gavin called after him through his giggles.

Once Ray had left, Michael turned back to Gavin and smiled at him. He did it subconsciously, as whenever he looked at Gavin, he felt an overall sense of happiness. He felt a feeling of content as he looked at his new close friend.

Gavin looked back at Michael, noticing him staring but he didn't mind. He was happy to look at Michael too, taking in his completely imperfect features. The thing about Michael and Gavin's friendship was that it seemed like they had been friends for what seemed like years, with how comfortable they were with each other. They weren't phased by the silence that was expected to be incredibly awkward.

In the time that they were looking at each other, they had leaned closer to one another. They completely forgot where they were. They both recalled the kiss in the bathroom and realised the hunger to feel that intimacy again. They wanted to experience the sensation of affection and electricity that they felt between each other. They closed their eyes, not really thinking, leaning closer and closer until they could feel each other's breath on their lips. So close...

“GAY!”

“FAGGOTS!”

“COCKSUCKERS!”

The group of jocks walked straight past Michael and Gavin, staring with hatred for some reason. They laughed with each other all the way down the hall until they had disappeared around the corner.

Michael immediately sprung back from Gavin, his eyes beginning to tear up. Gavin noticed the fear rise up in Michael's face and quickly decided to act before Michael could panic too much and flee.

Gavin held onto Michael's arm as he took a single step away to give him more space but to not let him get too far.

Michael felt Gavin grip hard onto his arm but he wanted to run. Run as fast and far as he could before he began crying but he was paralysed. Not only did the jocks freeze him with fear but Gavin's hand on his arm stopped his mind completely.

Gavin felt hopeless as he looked at Michael's face freeze but the tears began to slide down his cheeks. He dragged Michael from his arm into the closest classroom; they were all deserted since it was lunch time. Gavin quickly closed the door and let go of Michael's arm.

Michael began to shake just as he had on the night of the party.

“Michael. Michael, calm down.”

Michael didn't say anything but Gavin looked at him with intensity, worry in his eyes. He looked and sounded sincere as he tried to help.

“Michael, you're my boi. You're stronger than those mingy jocks.”

That accent. That nickname. Michael moved his head to look at his feet and realised his major mistake. He shouldn't have gotten as close as he did to Gavin. He knew it was dangerous and he'd developed such strong feelings for Gavin that there was no way out of it for now. _Why does this keep happening?_

Every time Michael got close to anyone, it would backfire. He wasn't even sure if Gavin liked him like that. How was he supposed to know that Gavin was gay or not? And if this was the way that he would be treated for ever expressing himself, what was the point? There was no reason to suffer abuse just because of a stupid crush, right?

Michael couldn't stop thinking over the few seconds that Gavin was staring at him. It was too difficult, too terrifying. He was going to apologise to Gavin over in his head forever for everything that he was doing to him.

Michael tried to concentrate his breathing to get out as many words as he could. He lifted up his head and looked into Gavin's worried eyes.

“Gavin... I'm sorry. I can't... do this.” Michael gave in from the immense effort it took to breathe and went back to staring at the floor.

“No, don't talk like that. I'm here Michael. I'm always here, I've told you this.”

Michael just shook his head. Gavin's eyes began to tear up as he choked on his words.

“No, you're not doing this to me again. All I ever do is try and help, and you keep shutting me down!”

Michael didn't respond.

“Michael! You can't ignore this. I want to be there for you.”

Michael continued not to respond but just stood up to leave the room. Gavin quickly grabbed onto his hand to stop him from leaving.

“Don't leave yet. We need to talk about this.”

Michael resorted to anger to avoid crying as he always did. He turned back to face Gavin.

“Leave me the fuck alone Gavin! You haven't helped me at all!” _I'm sorry Gavin,_ Michael thought. “In fact, you've made me feel like shit. Do you see what happened out there? I can't fucking deal with it! You might be able to but I can't! Do you understand?”

They were still holding hands as neither of them had let go. Gavin looked at their hands and back at Michael's face which no longer represented anger, but sadness. Gavin smiled and spoke with a gentle tone.

“Honestly, I don't understand Michael. I'd like to though. And you're right, I can deal with it but I know why you can't. I'm not here to tell you to be more confident or to get over it because I know that's not how it works. But I am here to help. I'm just here, always. I keep telling you.”

Gavin finally let go of Michael's hand, feeling a slight emptiness. It was obvious that Michael wasn't going to reply because his breathing was incredibly shaky so Gavin continued.

“If you want me to keep my distance, I will but please don't expect me to completely leave you alone. I'm too invested in you now.” Gavin smiled and he swore that he could see Michael's lips rise slightly at the corners. “Is that okay?”

Michael didn't really know what to say so all he could manage was a nod, but to Gavin, that was the best response he could get. And since it was the only one, he wasn't going to knock it.

Before Michael could get a sense of what was going on, Gavin quickly pulled him into a hug, feeling Michael's heart beat against his chest. Michael was so stiff against Gavin but the longer they stood there, the more relaxed he became. They stood there for a while, just getting used to how their bodies shaped with each others. Michael's breathing had calmed down so Gavin moved to whisper into Michael's ear.

“By the way, I kind of wish we weren't so rudely interrupted out in the hallway. We were so close to kissing that honestly, I'm pretty sad about it right now.”

With that, Gavin left the hug and walked out of the room with a spring in his step and a smirk on his face. Michael was left in the middle of the room, a shocked expression on his face.

Gavin _wanted_ to kiss him? Michael's heart began to race again, unsure of whether to feel overly gleeful or filled with worry.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took foooooorever again, things are just really busy rn. This is definitely not going where I expected it to go but I like it so far. Hope you enjoy it!  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Gavin did keep his distance. Unfortunately, it didn't exactly benefit Michael or Gavin. It wasn't complete, deafening silence but they no longer hung out outside of class, they barely ever spoke at lunch and the only time they actually saw each other outside of school was when they went to another friend's house.

They were still friends, of course. They couldn't let the friendship just die away but it definitely wasn't the easiest thing to keep a hold of. Michael knew he had to stay away from Gavin with his ever growing crush but Gavin wasn't gay so why would something ever happen between them? Michael decided not to worry about it and kept to being distant from one of the people that he cared about the most.

School suddenly became much worse without Gavin looking out for Michael. Just walking down the halls would spark off Michael's anxieties, making it incredibly difficult to get anywhere around the school. He didn't feel safe walking through the school even though it was meant to be one of the safest places apart from his house. Every corner had him wondering who was coming around it.

After the situation with Gavin in the corridor, he was always panicking that the jocks would turn the corner and start shouting at him again. Michael hadn't been bullied before but this seemed close to what it may feel like. It wasn't even the comments made, it was the feelings and thoughts left behind in Michael's head.

It seemed as though Gavin had moved on only after a few weeks. This idea was reinforced when Michael marched into the cafeteria to sit with his friends and noticed that Gavin wasn't there. As Michael sat down, he inconspicuously looked around the cafeteria, hoping to find Gavin. Ray had noticed Michael's distraction and realised what he was looking for.

“He's over there.” Ray seemed pissed off as he pointed behind Michael toward a large group of people huddled around a table. Michael instantly recognised them as the football players and cheerleaders and right in the middle was Gavin fucking Free. Michael glanced at Ray and noticed the pure anger in his eyes. Michael reflected it and didn't speak for the rest of lunch.

Once the cafeteria had filed out, Michael and Ray trailed behind ready to rant to each other about Gavin. They hadn't even spoken to each other about the situation but the menacing looks they were portraying at lunch was enough to give the idea that they needed to talk. Ray was the first one to break the silence.  
“What the fuck is up with Gavin?!” Ray tried to conceal his shout but it came anyway. The people around them turned in their direction but disregarded them again as soon as they saw Ray's angry face.

“Dude, I don't know but I'm fucking pissed.” Michael threw his arms in the air to emphasise his point.

“Same! How could he just fucking get up and leave?”

“I don't get it dude. One minute we're all happy fucking families and now he's decided that the jocks – THE JOCKS – are who he's supposed to hang out with.”

“Fuck him!” Ray shouted.

“Mr Narvaez, language please.” Mr Heyman leaned out of the classroom door, causing Ray to awkwardly apologise and hide inside himself.

They continued walking, Michael chuckling under his breath as they made their way toward World History. They walked down the hall leading to the classroom and they both noticed Gavin leaning against the wall surrounded by Miles, Kerry and Barbara.

Michael had forgotten that he had World History with Gavin and suddenly, his breathing became irregular. He was taking short breaths, trying to get enough air into his lungs. Ray didn't notice as he had walked away to join Geoff and Ryan outside of their Math class. Michael would be alone, without his friends, in a room where Gavin would probably be silently judging him from behind.

Michael hid in his phone, pretending to text someone as he waited for their teacher to arrive. Michael didn't actually hate Miles, Kerry or Barbara even though they were jocks and cheerleaders but the rest of them he wasn't really bothered about. What did irritate him was the fact that Gavin had completely deserted his friends and gave no reason as to why. Even though Michael and Gavin didn't even talk anymore, it gave him no reason to leave his other friends.

Mr Sorola strolled up to the classroom and unlocked the door, standing in front of it, a piece of paper in hand.

“I've assigned you all new seats. One at a time, I will tell you your seat and just go sit down. No changes.” Mr Sorola said in a stern voice.

This didn't really affect Michael since he didn't really mind anyone in his class (well apart from Gavin) and the chances that he would be sat next to Gavin were very slim.

Michael was one of the first to get told where to sit by Mr Sorola. He was sat on the second row from the back, next to the wall. The tables seated 2 and were sat facing the board, sitting on their own. Mr Sorola preferred tables rather than individual desks.

Michael sat down in his seat, grabbing all of his stuff out of his bag and putting it on the table. As students started to file in, Michael wondered who would be his partner on the table. It seemed as though all the tables had been filled when one last person walked through the door, towards Michael, falling into the chair. Michael was doodling in his notebook so he didn't notice the person sit next to him but as he looked up in the corner of his eye he caught the edge of a person's nose and their hair messily flopped on their head. _Oh fuck off,_ Michael thought. And there was Gavin Free. Of all the places he could have sat in the classroom, Mr Sorola had to seat them next to each other.

Michael's heart started beating harder. He wasn't sure whether it was due to worry or the fact that his crush was sat next to him, eyeing up everything he was doing. He hadn't been this close to Gavin for at least 3 weeks since they had the almost kiss incident.

Michael knew that Gavin was looking at him but he tried his best to ignore him. He said that he would keep his distance and so far he was doing a good job but Michael hoped it would stay that way.

Mr Sorola started the lesson and Michael straight away started to count down the minutes until the end of the hour. But not only 10 minutes in, Michael saw a piece of paper being slid towards him. He picked it up out of irritation and read it:

“Hey Michael! :)”

Michael screwed up the piece of paper and threw it onto the floor, making sure that Gavin could see his action. Michael saw Gavin's shocked face and had to resist the urge to burst out laughing. Gavin continued to sulk for the next 20 minutes until another note was pushed in Michael's direction. Michael read it again, curious as to what Gavin really had to say.

“Why won't you talk to me Michael? :(“ Michael read the note in Gavin's stupid accent and replied.

“Fuck off Gavin.” He pushed it back to Gavin with a lot of force and noticed Gavin's change in expression, from his stupid smiling face back to the sulk. It made Michael chuckle under his breath.

Gavin quickly wrote another note and pushed it to Michael.

“Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“Apart from completely ditching your friends and ignoring them? Then no you've done nothing wrong.”

“I thought you said to keep my distance?!”

“Yeah, from me, not everyone else. Ray's really fucking upset about it.”

As Gavin read the note, he sunk further down into his chair, his expression turning downward. He obviously had realised his mistake in leaving the group but there was no way they were going to happily accept him back. Maybe he was thinking a bit dramatically but Gavin couldn't think of any other plausible reason as to why he couldn't just go back to them.

He wasn't even sure why he hadn't sat with them at lunch. It seemed as though Michael was getting more pissed off the more lunch times passed by. Gavin automatically thought it was him and Miles had already invited him to sit with them. So he thought it would be best for Michael and even the rest of his friends.

“I thought you didn't want me around.”

“I don't really. But I can't say anything for Ray, Geoff, Jack or Ryan. It's nor fair Gav.” Michael wasn't sure why he had written 'Gav' rather than Gavin but he had already passed on the paper before he could change it.

“I didn't know. I'm sorry Michael but I can't change it now...”

“And why's that? What's stopping you from sitting with us in the cafeteria again?”

“Well, I'm kind of part of the football team. I have to practice at lunch.”

Michael's expression reflected that of a deer in headlights. He looked at Gavin properly for the first time in weeks and still got caught off by how handsome it was. But that was beside the point. Gavin joined the _football_ _team?_ Michael was once again conflicted between two reactions; laughing and screaming. It didn't add up. From what Michael knew, Gavin was not at all a sporty person.

Michael's only reasonable action was to write another note.

“You're a prick.” He wasn't sure why he wrote it but he felt it was still true despite the circumstances.

The bell rang and everyone began to pack up their things. _Where did that lesson go?_ Michael thought. He must have been talking to Gavin for much longer than he thought.

“Before you go, be prepared for next lesson because you're all going to be starting your own projects.” The half of the class that heard the comment from Mr Sorola groaned and everyone began to leave the classroom.

Michael walked out of the room but before he left, he noticed Gavin still sat in his seat. He was staring at the desk but Michael didn't care enough to check if he was okay. He couldn't have been that harsh, right? He shook his head as he left to go to his next class.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapter in 2 nights?!?!?!?!?!?! What is going on?! I hope you like this one. It's basically just a lead up to the next chapter which I guarantee will be hella cute (pretend I didn't say that and it's not a spoiler or anything).  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Gavin did in fact leave the cafeteria at lunch over the next few days and it persistently annoyed Michael. He cared about Gavin and he cared about how his friends felt about the situation but Gavin didn't seem to have any emotions towards it.

And that one time that Gavin was in the cafeteria, he was sat incredibly close to Barbara. They were whispering and they basically sat on top of each other. Every time they came up from an intensive whisper session, they would glance at Michael which he did in fact notice. As soon as it happened, Michael departed to the bathroom, making up some bullshit excuse to his friends.

However, what Michael didn't notice was that Gavin did plan to follow him to check if he was alright but he also wanted to keep his promise of keeping his distance. His better judgement told him to stay sat but that didn't prevent his mind wondering over Michael and how he was probably crying in the toilet stall.

Michael couldn't deny to himself that he was really fucking jealous as he sat on the toilet seat and cried softly. Barbara was a beautiful girl, just Gavin's type. He would be happy for them if they did get together because he was happy when Gavin was happy. But that wouldn't stop his heart sink to the bottom of his chest every time he saw them scoot closer to one another.

The bathroom had been empty but Michael heard the door open and a familiar voice sound through the room.

“Michael, are you okay?” It was Ray.

Michael sniffed, wiped his eyes with some tissue and exited the stall. He looked at Ray and smiled.

“I'm fine.” He tried to sound convincing but he wasn't exactly an actor. He walked over to the mirror to see if his face was puffy from crying, and it sure was. He quickly grabbed his beanie from his bag and shoved it on his head, hoping to distract from his puffy eyes.

“You don't look it man.” Ray looked concerned but understanding, as if he knew what was going on.

“It's just Gavin.” Michael sighed and wiped his under-eyes, underneath his glasses. He could tell Ray about this sort of stuff, they were best friends after all.

“I know.” Ray's lips formed a thin line as he tried to smile.

“What do you mean you know?” Michael looked at Ray with a confused look. It seemed like Ray knew more about why Michael was upset than he was letting on. He knew that it wasn't just the fact that Gavin no longer hung out with them.

“Hey, listen, I know you've got a crush on Gavin, it's pretty fucking obvious dude. And I know that seeing him with Barb must be heartbreaking but you've got to get yourself out of this sad sulking phase.”

Michael stood, stunned at Ray's words. He knew that Michael was gay, without him even letting out a hint. Michael's breathing became irregular again until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Don't freak out, it's cool. I don't care that you're gay. We're still best friends, as long as you don't come onto me or anything.” He smirked and just the simple gesture made Michael laugh slightly.

“But, how did you know?”

“You remember the party? Well, I'm sure you don't but you remember it happening.” Ray laughed at the memory as Michael nodded. “Well, you kind of clung on to Gavin like he was your only life support. When he rang me from the bathroom, I walked in to find you guys cuddled up on the floor when you were completely out of it. I know that doesn't mean you're gay but that combined with the looks you give Gavin kind of gave it away.” Ray leaned closer to Michael to whisper in his ear. “And he told me that you kissed and that it was totally you that made the first move.” Ray moved away again and winked.

Michael felt paralysed. He trusted Ray with the information but the fact that Gavin had told Ray about the kiss without Michael's permission, kind of irritated him. He didn't mean to make his crush on Gavin obvious but Michael made himself feel better by assuming that Ray was just a really good observer. Once he had come to his senses, he smiled at Ray and they exchanged a quick hug.

“Thanks Ray.”

“For what?”

“I don't know, just for understanding and being so cool about it.”

“I'm fucking ice cool man, you should know that already.”

Michael laughed and they exited the bathroom as the bell rang. Michael headed to World History while Ray went to Calculas. Michael had been dreading the lesson all day and not just because he had to sit next to Gavin. Mr Sorola told the class that they were starting a project this period, and Michael was just really not up for it.

He entered the classroom, one of the first to be there and noticed Gavin already in his seat. He sat down next to him without a glance or a word and began to get his things out. He pretended to text someone so that he looked occupied but at out the corner of his eyes, he could see Gavin looking at him.

Michael was still not over his slight (okay, major) jealously over Barbara, so he tried his best to ignore Gavin completely. Thankfully, Mr Sorola entered the room once the bell had gone and started putting handouts on each table. He stood at the front of the room and began to discuss the projects the class would be doing over the weekend.

“Good afternoon. In front of you, you will find a sheet of paper with a list of projects that you will be completing this weekend. I would like you to pick just one. I have arranged you in this seating plan because I'd like the person sitting next to you to be your partner. I want to see how well you can work with different people in the class and I'll be able to tell if one person does more than the other.”

Michael stared at Mr Sorola in shock as he continued to read from the sheet about the different projects. Michael blanked his voice out and went over thoughts in his head. _I'm going to be working on a project all weekend with Gavin? This cannot be happening. I've tried to ignore him for fuck sake. It seems as though the fucking universe won't let me get over this stupid fucking crush. Hello universe, Gavin doesn't like me so stop trying to make something unlikely happen._

Michael started doodling furiously on his paper while continuing to ignore Gavin. Gavin only looked at Michael with concern as he almost ripped the paper with his pencil. He wanted to comfort Michael, to tell him that everything would be alright but Gavin knew that the problem was him. Gavin was the reason that Michael was so frustrated and he had no way to help. They would have to spend the entire weekend together but without Michael talking to him, this would become very difficult, especially if they couldn't even get to the point of discussing when they were going to meet up.

The bell for the end of the day rang and Michael practically ran towards his locker. He approached it and shoved his stuff in with a lot of force. He looked around to see if Gavin was coming but he didn't turn up. Michael wanted to leave the school as quick as possible but unfortunately Ray turned up to stop him from leaving.

“Hey Michael.”

“Hey Ray.” Michael smiled but looked over his shoulder to see if Gavin was coming. Even if he was, Michael wouldn't have been able to see him in the sea of students.

“So could I maybe get a ride? My mom's working late and otherwise I'd have to walk for like an hour to get home.”

Michael saw Gavin's hair over the top of the students before he saw his face and knew they had to leave quickly.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's just go now.” Michael almost stumbled over his words.

“I've got to go to my locker first. Fucking calm down.”

Ray's locker was in the other direction, where Gavin was walking down the hall and Michael could already feel the sweat forming on his forehead.

“Ray, I'll meet you by my car.” Michael swiftly turned and headed towards the front doors, avoiding the calls of his name coming from the British accent.

Michael was half way across the parking lot when he felt a slight tug on his wrist. Michael turned and saw Gavin's goofy face looking at him, smiling. He quickly let go and started to talk rapidly so Michael wouldn't leave.

“Okay, so we need to do this project and I want it to be a joint effort so please, I know you're not talking to me, but can we at least sort out a time and place to start this thing.” His eyes were soft as he pleaded with them.

Michael said with a completely straight face. “11am, my house, I'll send you the address.”

Gavin giggled. “I already know where you live silly little Michael. I'll see you tomorrow!” He walked away, waving.

The way Gavin had said 'silly little Michael' made his heart flutter and he felt like sinking to the ground so he could get rid of the feelings. It hurt to love him so much. _Wait, did I just admit to myself that I love Gavin Free?_ Michael thought as he literally sank to the floor, his head in his hands.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this has been my most favourite chapter to write so far. I kind of had a little moment where all I did was squeal. Warning: cuteness!!!!! But seriously, I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Michael was up at 6am on Saturday, after a completely restless night thinking about Gavin and his own conflicting thoughts. He wasn't able to get any sleep at all. He couldn't stop thinking about his realisation that he loved Gavin. It played around in his head making his heart hurt.

He shouldn't love Gavin. He couldn't. It caused his mind to wander off where it shouldn't, making him think about Gavin. About how handsome he was, how kind he was, how caring he was, especially to Michael.

_Stop._

Michael hoisted himself out of bed and forced his body to the bathroom. Hopefully, a shower would wake him up and make him feel better. Maybe he'd just stop thinking for a while.

Before stepping into the shower, Michael noticed himself in the mirror. He had dark blue circles under his eyes that were more pronounced by his pale face. He looked more like a ghost than a teenage boy.

Disregarding the mirror, he stepped into the shower and began washing his hair. He was frozen by the returning thoughts of Gavin. If he hadn't been in the shower, he probably would've been sweating. His heart began to beat faster and harder, his ribcage feeling like it was going to break. His body didn't stop shaking as he sank to the floor of the shower. Michael felt like he was suffocating, like the walls were closing in.

“No, please don't.” Michael said through his tears.

The water continued to fall down on him and he felt like he was drowning, trying so hard to reach the top of the water for air but it was so far away. What was the point? Michael was left on the shower floor, mumbling to himself and crying until everything went black.

 

*

 

Michael checked his phone for the time and as he did so, the front door slammed shut. His mother must have left for work. She always left early in the morning. The time on Michael's phone read 7:43am which confirmed that it was his mother that left. However, the phone was covered in fingerprints and was slightly damp. Michael hadn't remembered using it in the shower or anything. That would've been ridiculous anyway...

There were still 3 hours until Gavin was due to arrive but Michael tried to avoid that fact so he wouldn't have another break down. So instead, Michael decided to distract himself with getting dressed.

He shoved on a pair of jeans and a baseball tee since it had started to get cold, which was miraculous in Austin. He also put on his glasses, which he hated. He checked himself in his full length mirror and noticed something missing. He quickly grabbed a grey beanie and put it on over his wet hair. It was one of the only things he liked about his appearance; how his hair looked under a beanie.

It was close to 8am now and Michael didn't know how to distract himself any further. He hadn't planned very far ahead so he grabbed his school bag with all his history notes in and made his way downstairs to set up the work area.

He sat cross-legged on the floor in the living room, next to the low coffee table and spread out all his books and notes. He went over all the papers to make sure he had everything and decided on the project him and Gavin would be working on.

 _Don't think about Gavin,_ Michael thought to himself. Michael got up to get himself a drink of water and when he walked back into the living room, he noticed his xbox next to the TV. He placed down the glass on the coffee table and grabbed the xbox controller, starting up Minecraft. Getting comfortable, he started up a game with Ray, Geoff, Jack and Ryan who conveniently were online. He sat there for the next 3 hours, laughing and shouting at his TV.

Michael was suddenly shocked back into reality when the doorbell rang. He had completely forgotten about his and Gavin's history project so when he paused the game and opened the door, he was momentarily stunned by Gavin's appearance. His heart began to beat faster at the sight of Gavin.

Gavin was also stunned. Michael looked especially adorable and handsome today. The baseball tee wrapped around his upper arms, perfectly showing his muscles. And the beanie. Michael was always wearing it but today, his hair peeked underneath it in a different way. It was curlier and more unkempt but that added to his beauty. After Gavin had stopped staring, he finally spoke.

“Hey Michael!”

“Hello Gavin.” Michael motioned for him to come in.

Michael closed the door behind him and told him to sit on the couch. He stuttered as he spoke to Gavin.

“Do y-you want a d-drink?”

“Why are you stuttering Michael? But yes please.” He smirked as Michael jolted when Gavin had said his name. Mi-coo.

Michael quickly walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. When he came back into the living room, Gavin was looking at Michael's notes and had a very concentrated but exasperated look on his face. He must have been trying to decide on a project but was unable to do so.

Michael sat on the other end of the couch, as far away from Gavin as possible and leaned over the coffee table to look at the options. Michael pointed to the second option which required them to create a presentation (that they didn't have to perform in class) about the history of medicine.

“What about this one?” Michael asked, looking sideways at Gavin.

“Sure!” Gavin seemed overly gleeful and perfectly happy with Michael's decision.

“Okay. I'll go get my laptop and we'll start researching.”

Michael started to climb the stairs as Gavin called to him.

“Hey, can I charge my phone? It ran out last night.”

“Yeah, sure whatever.” Michael called down to Gavin, trying to stay as calm as possible while his stupid fucking crush was in his living room.

Gavin got up and plugged his phone into the closest outlet. As soon as his phone started up, a voicemail showed up on the screen. It was from Michael. Gavin took a short intake of breath, realising it was from early this morning. He cursed himself for not having his phone charged and rapidly pressed the necessary buttons to listen to it.

“Hey R-Ray.” He sounded like he was crying. There was water rushing in the background, as if he was in the shower. And why did he say Ray? “I'm kind of in the s-shower and I s-started thinking... a lot. I can't t-think straight. I think I'm in love with Gavin Free.” He laughed a single laugh but it wasn't a happy laugh, it was incredibly sad. “I don't know what to think but I'm sat on the floor in the shower and all I can think about is Gavin and how his hair sticks up and how his nose is slightly too big and how perfect it makes him look and how I'm being stupid and how I'm always so stupid.” He started sobbing before he continued. “And I don't know why I'm telling you this but everything is so difficult and I can't even walk out of the front door without worrying about every little thing that's going to happen to me, and I can't stop thinking about Gavin. I think I need help Ray but everything is going black and I can't stop shaking and my mind won't stop.” The line went dead and Gavin sat on the floor, tears running down his cheek. He sniffed and brought the phone away from his ear.

Michael began walking down the stairs, laptop in arm. He couldn't see Gavin in the living room but he assumed that he'd just gone to the bathroom. He rested the laptop on the couch and in the corner of his eyes, saw Gavin's phone on the floor lit up. He should've respected Gavin's privacy but something about his phone was really intriguing, especially when he saw his own name on the screen.

Michael picked up the phone and pressed the button to listen to the voicemail. As soon as he heard his own voice, his entire body froze. He suddenly remembered trying to call Ray but he didn't answer so Michael had thought the best option was to call Gavin. He smacked himself on the head and felt the sweat on his forehead. At the end of the message, Michael quickly stood up, feeling like he was going to vomit everywhere.

Michael ran to the closest bathroom and stormed through the door. However, he was stopped in his place by Gavin standing in the middle of the room, looking in the mirror. He looked as if he'd been crying.

“Sorry.” Michael muttered, ready to turn around but he was held back by a hand on his wrist. Gavin was holding on to him and looked into his eyes with great sadness and concern.

Before he could make sense of the situation, Michael had been pulled into Gavin's arms and their lips had locked. Michael immediately melted into Gavin, his arms around his shoulders and Gavin's around his waist.

Every inch of Michael's body was on fire, sparking with love. He wanted to be closer to Gavin, closer than he could ever be. He never wanted to let go because in Gavin's arms, he was safe. He forgot about everything he had ever worried about and all he could think about was being in this moment. This kiss meant something. It was the start of something new, it was the start of something special. It wasn't like the previous kiss because Michael was over-emotional. This kiss wasn't the right moment but it was everything that it needed to be.

They pulled away and looked at each other. A tear began to fall down Michael's cheek but Gavin was quick to wipe it away with his thumb. They fell into a hug, needing to be close again.

Gavin leaned close to Michael's ear and whispered.

“Why does this always happen in a bathroom?” Michael laughed into Gavin's neck and Gavin joined in, tightening the embrace.

 

*

 

They worked on their history project for the rest of the afternoon, unsure of how to act around each other. Eventually, they had given up and subconsciously decided to watch a movie. They had started on either side of the couch but they both slowly had moved closer to each other without realising.

Gavin looked over to Michael, hoping to grab his attention. Michael looked as if he was falling asleep.

“Do you maybe want to... cuddle?”

Michael looked at Gavin with slight confusion but realised that he was being serious. He nodded slightly as he yawned. Michael wasn't certain if it was the right decision but after the kiss, he couldn't resist Gavin.

Gavin moved on the couch so that they could lie down together and put his arm out to welcome Michael in. Michael scooted in front of Gavin and Gavin placed his arm around his stomach, using the arm rest as a pillow. They listened to each other's breathing for a while before it began to slow down. Michael was slowly falling asleep but before he could do so, Gavin needed to ask him something.

“Hey, Michael.” The way he said his name made Michael's stomach flip once again.

“Yes Gavin?” He sounded groggy.

“How would you feel about... about... being my boyfriend?”

Michael turned to look at Gavin's face and noticed his cheeks blush. He was so beautiful in the light from the sunset coming through the window. Michael's eyes began to fill with tears and he nodded slightly. He wasn't able to get any words out. None of the words in the English language would be any good for this moment.

He turned back to the TV to fall asleep softly in his boyfriend's arms as he felt Gavin kiss his forehead softly.

“Goodnight my little Michael.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY TOO. MICHAEL AND GAVIN SITTING IN A TREE. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  
> Anyway, thank you all so much for reading this silly little thing that I'm posting to the internet. It means the world to me <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SO CHEESY BUT I DON'T CARE. Plus, it's the longest chapter I've written so far and I love it so yeah. Hope you enjoy!!!   
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Michael and Gavin spent the rest of the weekend together working on their history project (and some cuddling may have been involved). In the space of a few hours doing work together, they became incredibly close, able to talk about pretty much anything. However, Sunday afternoon was approaching quickly, both of them knowing that the weekend was nearly over and that they'd have to return to the hell that was high school.

The sun was beginning to turn the sky an orange colour, the light beaming through the window. Michael leaned back against the sofa from his seat on the floor and sighed, closing his eyes. He tried to draw in the remaining heat from the sun before it was going to disappear for the night.

“Michael.” Gavin said from next to him.  
Michael turned his head toward the Brit, who was sat cross-legged resembling a 4 four year old waiting for something. Michael looked at him and smiled, exposing his dimples. “Yeah Gav?”

“Just wondering if you were okay.”

Michael closed his eyes again. “I'm fucking fantastic.”

Gavin grinned at Michael without him knowing and leaned closer to him, leaning his head on his shoulder. Gavin could feel Michael's body rise and fall with every breath he took and they were both silent and content in that moment.

Suddenly, Gavin quickly hopped up and held his hand out to Michael. Michael looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“What are we doing?” Michael grabbed onto Gavin's hand and was hoisted onto his feet. Michael was shocked by Gavin's strength, especially looking at his scrawny figure.

“Going on a walk.” Gavin dragged Michael by the hand toward the front door. Michael didn't protest but he wasn't exactly thrilled by the idea. What if they saw people from school? What if they got lost? But Gavin must have known where they were going right? And Michael could trust Gavin, couldn't he?

Gavin was waiting by the door with his shoes and jacket on ready to go while Michael was seemingly planted to the floor. Michael shook himself out of his thoughts and quickly put on his sneakers and jacket and headed towards the front door.

Gavin opened the door for him and stepped out after him, closing the door behind them.

“Okay, so where are we going Gav?”

“Wherever you want to go.” They both stood there for a moment, basking in the colours of the afternoon and the fall weather.

Gavin held his hand out to the side for Michael to take. Michael hesitated for a moment before thinking 'fuck it' and interlocked his fingers with Gavin's. His heart began to race with anxiety but also with the feeling of excitement. He was holding hands with his crush! His boyfriend!

They proceeded to walk in any random direction down the sidewalk when Gavin felt Michael stiffen slightly next to him. A dog walker was closing in on them so Michael's breathing automatically quickened with anxiety. What if it was someone they knew or even a stranger? Would they approve of their relationship? Who should care if 2 males were holding hands in public? But Michael still worried.

Gavin squeezed Michael's hand, hoping that Michael would feel the reassurance that Gavin was stood next to him. Michael felt the pressure in his hand and looked sideways at Gavin. His lips rose at the corners as he looked at the Brit and his breathing began to slow down to a regular pace.

The dog walker bounded past the couple and in fact, smiled at the two. Gavin grinned in return, however Michael stared at the ground. Gavin squeezed Michael's hand again as they continued.

After 20 minutes of silence, that neither of them found awkward, they found a footpath that led them around the forest. The trees looked very inviting with their leaves of gold, orange, yellow and red. They agreed subconsciously to stroll in that direction and soon enough, there was a bench in the midst of the forest that they could rest on.

They sat down together, still holding hands, taking in the beauty of the fall afternoon that was soon transforming into evening. The air was icier but underneath the layers of jackets and hoodies, Michael and Gavin barely felt it. Michael shifted over to Gavin and rested his head on his shoulder. Gavin smiled down at Michael and kissed the top of his head which made Michael blush slightly.

“Isn't it beautiful?” Gavin suddenly proclaimed.

“It really is.” Michael said through his smile.

Gavin heard Michael's smile through his voice and looked down at his face. His dimples were showing through perfectly, making Michael even more adorable, especially in the light.

“You should smile more often boi. It looks good on you.”

Michael blushed at Gavin's words and covered his mouth with his hand. Gavin chuckled, pulled Michael's hand away and quickly kissed him.  Michael blushed once again and turned into Gavin's shoulder to avoid embarrassment, resulting in Gavin giggling to himself.

Soon enough, the moment was ruined by freezing raindrops dropping onto their heads. They both stood up without thought and hurried back to Michael's house, hand in hand.

Just before they reached the front door, Gavin stopped, causing Michael to stop too.

"What's up Gav?"

Gavin didn't reply. Instead he pulled Michael into him and kissed him, rain falling on top of them, gradually getting heavier. Gavin wrapped his arms around Michael's shoulders, messing with his wet hair.

Gavin pulled away slightly so that their foreheads were still touching and said, "I've always wanted to kiss someone in the rain."

Michael was panting but he breathed out a laugh. "You cliché bastard."

They both laughed before placing their lips on each other's again.

 

***

 

Everyone seemed to be buzzing at school, even on a gloomy Monday. It was probably the promise that there was a week left until the thanksgiving holidays but the students still seemed excited regardless.

Michael met up with his friends outside of Geoff's locker as always, secretly looking down the halls for Gavin.

"Hey Michael." Ray said.

"Hey guys." He smiled at them all, ignoring his surroundings of students.

"So we've got to play Minecraft more often." Ryan interjected.

Everyone nodded in agreement except for Ray who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't we play it enough now?" Ray whined.

"Oh come on Ray-" Jack replied, "-maybe you just need another person in the game."

Michael's eyes widened with an idea. "What about Gavin?" Just saying his name made Michael smile.

"Gavin's an ass-"

"I'm a what?" A British accent sounded from next to Michael. Michael and Ray jumped at the voice while Jack, Geoff and Ryan were laughing at the situation. They had obviously seen Gavin coming but hadn't said anything.

Michael's heart began to race as they smiled at each other hoping no one saw Gavin's wink at Michael.

"Oh, hey Gavin." Ray said nonchalantly.

Gavin teared himself away from staring at Michael to speak to the group. "Hey lads. I just wanted to apologise for Friday lunch. I wasn't ignoring you, it's just... I've kind of joined the football team and I have to spend lunch practising."

Snickers could be heard around the group once Gavin had finished and he blushed with embarrassment.

"Yeah, okay, laugh. Go ahead, it is pretty funny." Gavin smiled as everyone burst out into fits of laughter.

Michael noticed no embarrassment left in Gavin's face; instead he expressed confidence. Michael liked the look of Gavin in this state, especially with that mesmerising smirk.

"Woah, okay dude, that's awesome. Congrats but it will not stop being fucking funny." Geoff said through his chuckles.

"I know, I still find it funny now. Anyway, I gotta get going. See you in History Michael." Gavin winked before strutting away, causing Michael to blush. Michael faked a cough to cover his face, hoping that none of his friends noticed his rosy cheeks. They hadn't thankfully but he almost wished that they did know about Gavin. The problem with it though, was that Ray was the only one that knew Michael was gay. Michael could trust the others but whether he wanted to open up that much or not was a different story.

Suddenly the bell rang, waking Michael up from his trance of thoughts. The group said goodbye to each other as they split off in different directions to their various classes. Michael walked into history and sat next to Gavin who was already there.

Michael grabbed all of his stuff necessary for class out of his bag and sat back up. Gavin was smiling at him and suddenly Michael felt pressure on his right hand that was under the table. They interlocked fingers and Gavin squeezed, sending sparks through Michael.

Mr Sorola entered the room and rested his coffee and papers on his desk. “Morning everyone. I assume you've all got your projects ready to hand in. And now the surprise! You're gonna present it. Right now.” The entire class groaned. “I told you I would know if 1 person did more work than the other, so get ready. Right, let's start from the back.” Mr Sorola's eyes landed on Michael and Gavin. “Jones, Free, you're up.” He gestured with his arm for them to get up before walking around to his desk to sit down.

Gavin looked at Michael with wide eyes, knowing how the next few minutes were going to pan out. He squeezed his hand once more but all Michael could do was breathe heavily and stare directly at the desk.

Gavin stood up, releasing Michael's sweaty hand even though he wanted to hold onto it forever, to stop him from panicking. Michael followed with all their paper work, shaking as he did so. He was shocked by his own courage to actually get up but as he moved toward the front of the room, sweat started to appear on his forehead. Slowly, he put one step in front of the other to reach the spot where Gavin was stood. He had to focus on Gavin as his vision began to blur slightly.

Michael reached the front of the room, looking over all the other students who looked completely bored out of their minds. Gavin took the papers from Michael and began shuffling through them to find their starting point.

Michael's eyes began to prick with tears, wanting to clutch onto Gavin, to hide away from the world. Gavin started to talk but Michael couldn't hear any proper words. All he could hear was laughing in his head. It wasn't coming from anywhere around him but it echoed throughout his thoughts.

His vision blurred further so that all he could see were shapes and colours and all he could hear was laughter. It was so loud, it wouldn't stop. And then Michael bolted out of the room, ready to cry. He ran to the bathroom, unaware of his immediate surroundings but still narrowly avoiding crashing into anything. He slammed into the bathroom door and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Head in hands, he started to sob. It wasn't even just tears anymore, it was a combination of shaky breaths and ridiculous wailing.

The door opened beside Michael and the person sat next to him. He placed his hand on Michael's knee and gently stroked it. Michael looked at the person, and through his watery eyes, he saw the shapes of a nose and unkempt hair. Michael leaned over the person and buried himself in their shoulder, attempting to stop his stupid sobbing.

Gavin stroked Michael's hair as his breathing began to regulate very slowly. They sat there for a few moments before Michael was able to look up into Gavin's eyes. Gavin noticed the panic and sadness in Michael's pupils and wiped away the tear before it was able to drip down his cheek.

Michael felt the spark from Gavin's fingertips as they touched his soaking cheek and as he looked into his eyes, he felt all the love that he had ever felt for Gavin rush to him, creating a butterfly effect in his stomach. Gavin lifted up Michael's chin and they kissed very gently as to not disturb the quiet moment they were sharing.

 

***

 

Michael was excited to enter the cafeteria on Wednesday at lunchtime because there was the anticipation that Gavin was going to be sitting with them. They hadn't seen each other properly since Monday in history because they both had work to do after school and Gavin had football practice at lunch.

Michael sat down in his normal seat next to Ray, with a seat to his left for Gavin. He was surprisingly bouncy and everyone around him noticed.

“What's up with you?” Ryan asked, looking slightly concerned.

“Nothing. Why do you ask?” Michael stared with confusion. He hadn't noticed his own jumpy personality.

“He's waiting for Gavin.” Ray told the others, smirking. Thankfully, Ray and Gavin had made up over the past few days which made Michael dating Gavin a lot easier.

“Yeah, well, we're friends. I'm just excited to see him, like I am to see you fuckers.” Michael replied with some force.

Ray snickered to himself.

“It seems like you and Gavin are pretty cool now. What happened over the weekend?”

Michael thought back to the weekend and cringed but also smiled to himself. “We just talked. We sorted shit out, I don't know man. Things happen.”

“I don't think there was _a lot_ of talking.” Ray muttered to himself without anyone hearing.

Gavin fell onto the seat next to Michael and immediately grabbed his hand underneath the table.

“Hey Gav.” Michael said cheerfully.

“Hey Michael.” Mi-coo. “Hey lads.”

“Alright.”

“Sup.”

“Hey.”

“Fuck off.”

“Well alright. What a welcome.” Gavin giggled.

Michael laughed at Gavin's laugh as a note was passed to Michael from Ray. Michael looked at Ray with a look that said  _what are you doing._ Ray made a look that said  _just read it._

Michael opened the paper and read “I know you and Gavin are dating lol.”

Michael's eyes widened and looked at Ray who was smirking. The others were discussing some game or other so they didn't notice the little encounter between Michael and Ray.

“How do you know?” Michael wrote back.

“Apart from you two blatantly holding hands under the table,” Michael immediately let go of Gavin's hand as he read, “I saw you kiss in the bathroom on Monday. And to be honest, you've been really fucking close and cutesy over the last few days.”

Michael and Gavin hadn't exactly discussed how they were going to act while in school but since none of their friends (excluding Ray) knew they were gay, they thought it best to wait to display it. They weren't exactly trying to hide it but they thought they should wait until they were comfortable telling others.

“Okay fair enough. Sorry I didn't tell you, it's just kind of difficult.”

“I get that but you should tell the others soon. They know something's up and you know they're cool about all this stuff.”

“Yeah, I'll think about it. Maybe over the Thanksgiving holiday.”

“Alright.”

Michael and Ray turned back to the group and Michael interlocked his fingers with Gavin's again. Michael felt a weight fall off his shoulders since Ray had found out but he still had to tell the others about his and Gavin's relationship. Michael stroked Gavin's hand with his thumb and smiled at the thought of spending time with his boyfriend and best friends. He would tell Geoff, Ryan and Jack very soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What really sucks is that on the timeline of the story, Thanksgiving is next week when obviously in real life, it's just been and gone. Oh well, it should be fun next chapter! #spoiler Anyway, I love all of you for all your lovely comments and kudos and hits and omg I'm so overwhelmed with love. Thank you <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've written so far, and I'm so happy with how it turned out!! Also, I am so sorry it's taken forever. I had mocks this week (which are like practice GCSEs for you non-English folk) so I've been really preoccupied. I hope you enjoy this chapter though!! Oh and one more thing, shout out to my friend Zack who wrote the first few paragraphs of this chapter <3  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

With the week off school for Thanksgiving Michael had to find something to do with his time, when he wasn't fantasising about Gavin. Despite the fact 'boyfriend' was just a title Michael knew this was the start of his first proper relationship. Whenever he thought about the limitless possibilities of where his relationship with Gavin could go he blushed with embarrassment. He now knew what it felt like to be in a cheesy romance movie. 

But every time he pondered on his relationship with Gavin he thought about how he was gonna tell the others. This thought made him feel literally sick and he was incredibly restless no matter what he did to calm himself down.

Michael led on his front on his bed with his phone led in front of him which was low on charge. Hesitantly, he clicked on his contacts ready to text Gavin. He knew what he wanted to say to the others but how he was going to word it was the difficult part. How would they react to their relationship? Michael began to tremble at the thought and his hands became clammy. 

Michael stood up to reach for a charger to charge his phone however it didn't take long for his legs to give in. He stumbled but didn't fall. He needed to clear his head so he grabbed his jacket which was hung over his chair by the door, grabbed his phone (out of habit) and left the house. 

 

*

  
Michael walked for what seemed like hours. Alone. The wind picked up gradually over the hours to the point that even his auburn curls began to bounce on top of his head. The sun had set and the darkness was drawing in quickly, causing Michael to take care of every step he took.  When Michael reached the end of the street his thoughts retraced back to the whole relationship dilemma.  

Once again he panicked. His throat went dry, his hands clammy and his eyes began to sting. He was on the verge of a break down. But this time he wasn't alone in his bedroom - he was out in public. 

Michael instantly looked around to see if anyone was around. The street was fairly empty, but that didn't reassure him. At this point Michael was a couple of miles away from home. From safety. He couldn't walk back no matter how hard he tried. Michaels cheeks grew red with embarrassment. He felt pathetic crying at such a small thing but he knew deep down that this meant the world to him.

The air surged through his body uncomfortably as he inhaled deeply, trying all he could to regulate his breathing. It didn't work. He knew he had to call someone, anyone, but he would be bothering them. So he kept walking until he found the bench that he and Gavin had sat at just a week previously. It was a comforting feeling to be sat in the place where he was so peaceful, but if only it had calmed him down.

The setting around Michael was beautiful and soothing, with the trees swaying gently sending a rustling sound throughout the air. Even the darkness of night couldn't ruin the atmosphere but Michael couldn't appreciate any of this when his chest began to close in on itself again and the tears ran down his cheeks faster.

He immediately grabbed at his phone and called the first contact he could get to. His phone was on 2% so he had enough battery to call one person and that would be it.

“Hey boi!”

Michael sniffed into the phone and remained silent, unsure of what to say the moment he heard Gavin's voice.

“Michael? You okay?” The way Gavin said Michael's name gave him the courage to speak.

“I'm on the bench in the forest and I don't know what I'm doing here Gavin. I don't know why I'm crying but I'm so pathetic and I guess I need you but I don't want to be a burden and-”

“Okay, Michael, stop. I'm coming. Stay exactly where you are.” Michael could hear Gavin rustling around for what he presumed to be a jacket and car keys.

“No Gavin, you don't need to. I'm sorry, I don't deserve you. You don't need someone like me. I'm so pathetic and-”

“Michael? Michael?!” Gavin called into the phone but the line was completely dead. “Bollocks!” He exclaimed as he scrambled into his parent's car. They would forgive him for taking it later.

 

*

 

Gavin parked (basically crashed) next to the entrance of the forest in under 10 minutes. He hadn't driven for a while especially since he had gotten to the US as he hadn't bothered to get a driver's licence.

He jumped out of the car, dropping the keys and his body as he did so. He scrambled up and ran towards the bench where Michael said he was. _Please still be there,_ his mind raced with each step he took. His run turned into a sprint as he saw the bench come into view. As he came closer, he noticed a figure stretched out across it.

Gavin stopped running and strutted toward the figure, breathing out with relief as he saw the auburn tendrils on top of the boy's head. Michael was stretched out across the bench, laying on his side with his eyes closed. His cheeks still glistened from the salt water that was still there so he must have fallen sleep recently.

As to not wake him, Gavin heaved the teen into his arms, one arm supporting his back and the other scooped under his legs. Gavin trudged back to the car, smiling down at Michael, his face framed perfectly by his curls. But he felt sorrow for the boy in his arms as he noticed the sweat droplets on his forehead combined with the tears on his cheeks.

Gavin reached the car and managed to get Michael into the back seat without disturbing him too much, laying him across the seats. Climbing into the driver's seat, Gavin heard movement from behind him. Michael had woken up, unsure of where he was. He began to panic again, feeling his throat seize up but thankfully, he saw Gavin's soft eyes in the rear view mirror.

Gavin noticed the terror in Michael's eyes and decided to quickly reassure him,“I'm here Michael, I'll always be here. Just go back to sleep, I'm taking you home.” Gavin smiled obnoxiously at Michael who laughed at him and decided to follow his directions, and went back to sleep.

Gavin thankfully had remembered the general direction to Michael's house after the party and he only got lost twice, which he took as a personal victory. He pulled into Michael's drive, realising that he had taken his parents car and hadn't said anything to them. Before hopping out, he quickly texted them, letting them know where he was and who he was with.

Gavin's parents knew about Gavin's sexuality and he had literally only told them a few days ago that he was dating Michael. His parents were very lenient and basically allowed Gavin to do anything he wanted. They knew the move from the UK to the US was going to be difficult, so they made sure to keep his life as easy as possible. So Gavin's parents didn't mind that he was dating Michael and in fact encouraged him to spend as much time as possible with him.

Gavin finally jumped out of the car and went round to the back door to get Michael out. Thankfully he had woken up when the car stopped, so he stumbled out into Gavin and made his way up to the porch. Gavin followed. Michael found the key under the door mat and unlocked the door.

“I keep the key there for emergencies.” Michael told Gavin.

“I know.” Gavin smirked at Michael's bewildered expression. Michael didn't ask any questions. “So is your mum not in?” Gavin asked once they'd gotten inside.

“Nope. She's working a night shift so I'm gonna be all alone.” Michael laughed but Gavin noticed the sadness behind it. “But don't worry about me. Anyway, thanks for picking me up Gav. I don't know what keeps happening.” Michael looked down to his shoes in shame.

“You don't need to apologise.” Gavin pulled Michael into a hug and they held onto each other tightly. “But if you want me to stay with you tonight, I'd happily do so.” Gavin said next to Michael's ear and Michael could hear the smirk in his stupid voice.

Michael pulled out of the hug to look at Gavin and nodded, his lips turning slightly at the corners.

Over the next few hours, they decided to lounge around on the couch and play some video games. Michael progressively got more irritated with Gavin but Gavin made up for it with his pouty face that he would make whenever Michael shouted.

The rest of their group of friends had eventually all come online so they started up a game of Minecraft together and decided to talk on Skype to each other.

Jack had started building a house and Gavin was doing all he could to be an annoying little shit. Every time Jack placed a block, Gavin would immediately try to break it. Then there was the occasion when Michael came back to the house with half a heart and Gavin accidentally hit him, causing the death of Banjo.

“GAVIN!” Michael shouted. All Gavin could do was giggle stupidly. But then suddenly his giggles turned into gasps as Michael tackled him to the floor, pinning him down.

“What are you guys doing?” Ryan asked, confused by the noises.

“Probably having sex or some shit.” Geoff replied, laughing at the thought. Ray almost started chuckling but kept it to himself somehow.

Michael and Gavin didn't hear the conversation though because Michael leaned down from on top of Gavin and started kissing him all over his face. Gavin tried swatting him away but just started laughing more than he had before.  
“Michael! Get off!” Gavin managed to get the words out through his laughter but then Michael started tickling him. Now Gavin was never going to be able to speak through this. Michael laughed back.

“What the fuck are y'all doing in there?” Jack asked.

“Michael! Stop!” Gavin laughed harder.

“Definitely sex.” Geoff said.

 

They eventually got back to playing and everyone got back to what they were doing. Gavin leaned closer into Michael and starting whispering to him.

“Michael, we should play some dirty tricks on these guys.” Gavin smiled ridiculously at Michael.

Michael smiled back and breathed out a laugh. “Okay Gavin, as long as it stops you from fucking with me.”

“We need a team name Michael! For safety.”

“Well first off my name's pronounced Michael not Mi-coo, you asshole. And secondly, we'll be called Nice Dynamite.” Michael truly loved how Gavin said his name but with how annoying Gavin was being right now, he couldn't stop it from getting on his nerves.

“Team Nice Dynamite. I like it.” They stopped conferring and turned back to the game, ready to make a shit-ton of TNT.

They spent the next 10 minutes comprising all the gunpowder and sand they could and made a load of TNT blocks. As they started spreading it around their friend's creations, Geoff noticed them become very quiet.

“What are you assholes doing?”

“Nothing.” Gavin spoke mischievously through his smile.

“I know you're doing something. Just don't fuck up my shit.”

Gavin giggled and selected the flint and steel, clicking on the TNT. His character ran away as he giggled with excitement. The explosion took out all of the surrounding area, taking out Geoff's and Ray's creations.

“Not like I fucking cared about it anyway.” Ray muttered as he threw down his controller.

Geoff remained calm as he took in the site until he said very calmly, “I fucking hate you Gavin.”

Michael and Gavin began laughing hysterically as Michael exclaimed, “He's the nice!”

“And he's the dynamite!” Gavin replied. They high-fived and Gavin fell into Michael's chest laughing. Michael held onto him as they laughed together, enjoying the moment probably too much.

Michael checked his phone and noticed the time to be 1am, suddenly realising he was incredibly tired. Gavin looked up at him as he yawned and realised how his eyelids hung slightly lower.

“Do you wanna go to bed?” Gavin asked, sitting up straight again.

Michael nodded. “Hey guys. We're gonna head off.”

“No no, you're not leaving us with this fucking mess!” Geoff said angrily.

“Enjoy the sex.” Ray said nonchalantly.

“Haha, very funny Ray.” Michael said even though he blushed, hoping that the others wouldn't take Ray seriously. He wasn't ready to tell them just yet.

“See you later lads.” Gavin said, starting to stand up.

“You fucker Gav-” Geoff started to say before Gavin hung up on him.

“Let's go.” Gavin said, holding out his hand for Michael to take. Michael took it, being pulled up by Gavin.

They walked up the stairs to Michael's room, turning off the lights as they went. Michael entered first, turning on the light and quickly checking if the room was messy. Thankfully he had cleaned it the day before so it was relatively tidy apart from a few video games splayed across the floor.

“You can borrow some of my pajamas if you want. They might be a little big, but they could work.”

“That's alright, Michael. I'd love to borrow some.”

Michael delved into his drawer, as Gavin sat down on his bed, and tossed some pajamas at him.

“I won't look.” Michael turned away as Gavin began to undress and put on the PJs.

“It's not an issue if you want to look.” Gavin smirked and Michael could hear it perfectly as if he was actually looking at him.

“Shut up.” Michael blushed. Once Gavin had changed, he did the same thing as Michael had done so Michael could change too.

Michael turned on the lamp next to his double bed and switched off the main light in the room. Gavin had already gotten himself comfortable in the bed but he was on Michael's side so Michael made a shooing motion to tell Gavin to shift over. He rolled over to the other side, followed by Michael falling into the bed.

Michael turned off the bedside lamp so they were laying in darkness, listening to each other's breathing. He turned over onto his side, facing toward Gavin who was facing him. They had to wait a moment before their eyes adjusted to the darkness and they could see each other in the minimal light from the street lamp. Gavin was gently smiling at Michael. Michael smiled back, feeling a little awkward so he blushed but thankfully Gavin couldn't see his cheeks in the dim light.

“Goodnight my little Michael.” Gavin said very quietly almost so that Michael couldn't hear him but it made his stomach flipped.

“Night boi.”

Gavin turned over onto his other side and began to slow his breathing, closing his eyes. Michael hesitated for a moment before shuffling toward Gavin, wrapping his arm around his stomach, feeling the rise and fall of his body as he breathed. Gavin held onto the back of the hand that was caressing his stomach as they both drifted off to sleep.

 

*

 

That night was the night that Michael finally had a full night's sleep. It was probably one of the best sleeps he'd ever had. When Gavin left in the morning, he felt incredibly empty and lonely, after spending over 12 hours with him. However, they still had 5 days left of the vacation so they could see each other as often as they wanted.

Gavin promised Michael that they would spend as much time with each other over the vacation as they could, so Michael immediately thought of organising a game night for their group of friends.

Subconsciously, Michael thought of that being the day that he would tell them about his and Gavin's relationship. So he got his phone and texted them all, asking if they were all available that Wednesday evening.

Thankfully, they all were free so they arrived at 6pm, Gavin arriving slightly earlier. Michael let him in and they greeted each other with a quick kiss.

“Hello again boi.” Gavin said.

“Hey Gav. It's literally been like 6 hours since I last saw you.”

“I wish the time had been quicker.” Gavin smiled.

Michael lightly hit Gavin on the arm. “Don't be so fucking cheesy.” Michael grinned, earning an offended look from Gavin.

They sat together on the couch, assuming the same position as the day before. “I think I'm ready to tell the others.” Michael suddenly said.

“About us?” Gavin asked.

“Yeah. I'm gonna tell 'em tonight actually. If you're okay with that.”

“Of course.” Gavin literally jumped in his seat. “We won't have to disguise it anymore!”

“Yeah Gav.” Michael laughed at Gavin's over-excitement.

 

Once everyone had arrived and settled down, they quickly ordered pizza and turned on the Xbox. Ray started up a game of Halo 4 with Geoff and after about 5 minutes, he was already winning, killing everything in sight.

The pizza arrived and Michael went into the kitchen to grab plates and drinks, Gavin following. Out of sight of the others, Gavin held onto Michael's hands. “You'll be fine.”

“I know.” Michael nodded and let go of Gavin's hands, grabbed the stuff and took it into the living room. He rested it on the coffee table with the pizza boxes and remained stood next to Gavin.

“Uh guys. I have something I need to tell you.” They all looked up at him and Michael suddenly wanted to shrink into a tiny ball. Thankfully, Gavin took the matter into his own hands. Gavin interlocked his fingers with Michael's and held up their hands. Michael felt the sparks on his skin as he felt the confidence rise into him.

“Me and Michael are together.” Gavin said, looking at the group.

None of them expressed shock and instead Geoff reached over to Jack, holding out his hand. “Pay up asshole.”

Jack reached into his pocket, pulling out a $5 bill and slapped it into Geoff's hand. “Damn it.”

Geoff pocketed the cash and smiled at Michael and Gavin. “Yeah, we basically guessed. Don't worry about it, I think it's fucking awesome.”

Gavin put their hands down and squeezed Michael's hand, noticing how he had calmed down once Geoff expressed that they were cool about it. Ryan and Jack nodded in agreement and Ray just smirked the entire time.

“Ray? What's that look for?” Michael asked, concerned.

“Oh nothing. I just think it's adorable, that's all. I didn't tell them, I swear!” Ray held up his hands in defence.

“Wait, you knew?” Ryan turned to look at Ray.

“Yeah, I saw them kissing. It's not a pretty sight by the way, so be thankful.”

“Okay, that's enough.” Michael stopped them. “Now why aren't we eating pizza?!”

Michael and Gavin walked over to the coffee table hand in hand and sat on the floor. The group dug into the food, enjoying the taste in complete silence.

 

*

 

Michael had been looking forward to Thanksgiving all week and when it finally came around, he woke with excitement. Though he did realise how much he missed Gavin.

But he was excited to finally spend a day with his mother and have a nice meal. Maybe they could actually have a fully fledged conversation. They hadn't sat down together and spoken in weeks, so it was going to be enjoyable for the both of them hopefully.

They had their Thanksgiving meal at 1pm because Michael's mom had to work later that evening. They had everything spread out on the dining room table and were sat around it, overwhelmed by the amount of food.

“So Michael, how's school going?” Michael's mother said as she started dishing potatoes onto her plate.

“It's alright. History kind of sucks but I'm getting through it.” Michael replied, picking up some turkey.

“And your friends? They seem to be coming around more often.”

“Yeah, I don't know. I guess we've just gotten closer recently.”

“Have you gotten closer to Gavin? He's been here a lot.” His mother looked down at her plate as she said it and Michael was certain he could hear her scoff.

“Uh, yeah I guess so.” Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

“That's nice.” Michael's mom looked back down and smiled.

“Mom.” She looked up. “What are you doing?” Michael shook his head as he spoke.

“What? Nothing.” She grinned.

Michael raised his eyebrows to hopefully get a reaction out of her.

“Okay! I can't hold it in!” She giggled at Michael's concerned expression. “Gavin's mother told me that you two are dating. And before you say anything, I am overwhelmingly happy for you and I understand that you didn't want to tell me. It's scary, I get it. But I just want to let you know that I am so so proud of you.”

Michael didn't say anything but instead he stood up, walked around the table and hugged his mother tightly. Then tears started to fall from his eyes from shock but also from relief.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's call this chapter "Michael decides to come out but everyone already knows".  
> I love you all so much for your commenting and kudosing! Thank you soooooo much for 100 kudos and nearly 2000 hits, it means the absolute world to me and you all rock <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter and last chapter weren't really set in the high school environment but after this, it will. Also, I apologise in advance for what happens in this chapter. I love you all <3  
> Warning: the start of this chapter is slightly NSFW but it's not explicit. It can easily be skipped though, if you choose.  
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Michael was being tossed into Gavin's room without a second thought. The door was closed behind them at a rapid pace and before Michael could get a sense of what was happening, he was being pinned to the back of the door by Gavin's body. They began kissing, Gavin's hands in Michael's hair and Michael's arms wrapped around Gavin's waist. They held onto each other tightly as they deepened the kiss, keeping with the rhythm of each other.

Gavin hummed into the kiss as Michael began to grip onto the small of Gavin's back with which he repaid the favour by lightly tugging on Michael's curls. This small action made Michael go wild, his breathing becoming irregular. But not with fear. Not this time. This time it was with passion.

Michael pushed against Gavin to force him to move over to the bed. Gavin fell onto his back and Michael clambered on top of him, his legs straddling the Brits hips. He leaned down but this time Michael kissed Gavin's mouth gently. He began to move down his jawline and onto his neck. The touch made Gavin shiver, resulting in a smirk from Michael. His lips lingered there for a moment before he decided on a better plan.

He began to nibble gently at the skin on Gavin's neck and before he continued, he looked up to Gavin for permission. His eyes showcased an expression of plead and the slight nod informed Michael to resume. He began to suck on Gavin's neck, causing the boy to wrap his fingers through Michael's curls and forcing a slight moan out of his mouth. Michael was gentle but when he pulled away, a small bruise remained which he kissed afterwards.

Gavin took Michael's chin in his hand and moved his face to his so they could kiss again. The kiss was immediately deepened by Gavin who had also grabbed onto Michael's ass, causing Michael to buck his hips slightly. Noticing Gavin squirm underneath him, Michael continued these actions since he had realised the pleasure it was bringing his boyfriend.

Gavin let out a gasp of breath which sounded like Michael's name but it was mostly undetectable through their kisses. As Michael continued thrusting gently, Gavin let out a short series of moans, as if he were going to orgasm right there and then.

Michael pulled back slightly. "Are you okay with this Gav? We don't have to go any further if you don't want to..." Michael trailed off.

Gavin sat up slightly underneath Michael to whisper in his ear. "Fuck me Michael Jones."

 

*

 

They both lay underneath the covers in Gavin's bed mostly naked apart from their boxers. Michael had slipped behind Gavin and perfectly adjusted himself so they slotted together like two pieces of a puzzle. Michael reached his arm across Gavin's stomach which Gavin held onto tightly as they listened to each other's breathing.

Michael finally worked up the courage to say what he had wanted to say for weeks. Something that shocked him so much a few weeks ago that he didn't even know how to cope but now, it was just a realisation. A realisation that he should speak his mind more often and just take a risk every now and then. Michael inhaled deeply and then he spoke.

"I love you Gavin."

Gavin smiled to himself as he let the words fill him with happiness. He could feel tears in his eyes because he knew what a big deal it was for Michael to admit something like that. So Gavin knew wholeheartedly that he had to reply and he was more than certain it was true. "I love you too Michael."

Michael let out a breath that he wasn't aware that he was holding and moved even closer to Gavin, tightening the embrace. He kissed the back of Gavin's neck as he fell asleep to the sound of his voice swirling around in his head.

 

*

 

The last bell for Christmas vacation rang loudly throughout the school, causing jumps throughout the students. As soon as the teachers granted permission for the students to go, they literally jumped out of their seats to rush home. The seniors in particular were ready to leave because the party of the year was coming up. Every Christmas vacation, a house party was organised by someone (most of them didn't know who) that literally invited everyone in the year. It would be the best party to ever exist, at least according to Ray who forced his friends to go.

Geoff didn't need persuading because wherever there was alcohol, there he was. Jack and Ryan were pleased to go to any party, just to get away from the struggles of school. Gavin was always prepared for parties since he was the most outgoing person in the universe. However, that left Michael.

Thankfully, Gavin had pleaded him to go and Michael complied almost instantly. He didn't want to disappoint Gavin and whenever he was with the Brit, he felt a major wave of confidence so he had no problem with going. This shocked Gavin but he didn't say anything. Instead he tightly hugged Michael and told him he was proud of him.

 

At about 7 o'clock, Gavin turned up at Michael's house as they waited for Jack to pick them up. As Michael opened the door, Gavin quickly kissed him and waltzed into the house.

Gavin was holding something behind his back which made him have a mischievous look on his face.

“What you got there Gav?” Michael tried to look behind Gavin who moved around as he did.

“Just a little something.” Gavin smirked as he presented a small present wrapped in red wrapping paper with a bow on top. He held it in front of him like a child at show and tell who was incredibly proud of what he had brought.

“Gav, you shouldn't have...” Michael trailed off, realising that he hadn't even thought about buying Gavin anything. He and his friends didn't usually buy each other gifts and he had forgotten to tell Gavin about their arrangement.

“I wanted to though.” Gavin smiled, pushing the present towards Michael. Michael took it, looking down at it in disappointment

“But I didn't get you anything.” Michael looked up through his eyelashes hoping that Gavin wasn't annoyed at him. But instead Gavin just laughed.

“Oh you silly little Michael. I don't care that you didn't get me anything.” He stepped towards Michael and held him around the waist. “You're all I need this Christmas.” He smiled before kissing him which let all of Michael's worries wash away.

Michael pulled back slightly. “I love you.” Gavin smiled in response and said, “I love you more.”

Michael wore an offended look on his face but this was interrupted by kisses from Gavin. They stood there for sometime before Jack and Geoff piled into the house.

“Oh for fuck sake. Can you two lovebirds wrap this up? We gotta get going!”

Gavin pulled away from Michael and they both laughed uncomfortably. Gavin noticed Michael still holding onto the present. “Don't open that until Christmas day.” Gavin said, pointing to the gift.

“Okay...” Michael was confused but kept by Gavin's orders and went to put the present under the tree. “Let's fucking go.” He said once he joined his friend's at the front door.

Michael and Gavin interlocked fingers as they walked out to Jack's car and piled into the back along with a very squashed Ryan and Ray.

“Alright lads.” Gavin said as Michael climbed in and he sat on his lap. Michael wrapped his arms around the skinny boy's waist, acting as a seatbelt. Gavin leaned into Michael's chest, getting comfortable as the car was put into motion.

“Sup fuckers.” Ray said, eyeing up their closeness.

“Ray, that's mean!” Gavin whined. Michael laughed at how ridiculous Gavin was being and jabbed him in the stomach. “Ow Michael!” Michael laughed further at Gavin and put his forehead on the Brit's back.

“You two seem closer than usual.” Ryan asked sceptically.

Gavin turned his head to look at Michael and winked though Geoff caught the look in the rear view mirror. He gasped comically.

“You had sex.” His lips rose at one corner, causing both Michael and Gavin to blush. Apparently, this gave them away immediately.

Geoff turned around from the front seat and held out his hand to Ryan. Ryan sighed before putting a $5 bill into his hand.

Ryan muttered under his breath. “Fuck.”

“Geoff!” Gavin whined once again.

“Why do you always make bets you fuck?” Michael almost shouted.

“Because it's funny as dicks to see your reactions. But that's beside the point. You guys had sex?!” Geoff raised his eyebrows.

“Didn't we just establish that?” Michael said with an annoyed tone.

“When?” Ray butted in. Michael furrowed his eyebrows at Ray who just shrugged and held up his hands in defence. “Hey, we're all friends here.”

“Well, it was last weekend.” Michael started rubbing his hands together in an uncomfortable manner. Gavin stroked his hands to stop his nervousness.

“Oh you guys!” Ryan leaned over to the two and hugged them both. Michael pushed him back off of them.

“Yeah yeah okay, that's enough now.”

Jack parked the car in front of Lindsay's house. This didn't surprise Michael as Lindsay was always the one throwing parties and no doubt was going to be hosting the Christmas one. Thankfully Michael knew the area they were in which helped calm his nerves, combined with being with Gavin.

The group of 6 rocked up to the house and as soon as they entered the front door, they were met with at least 40 people. Michael and Gavin kept close to each other's sides, Gavin knowing that Michael would only feel comfortable if he did so. And Michael was absolutely fine.

Michael had no problems walking through the house. He even spoke to a couple of people and by 9 o'clock, he was considerably tipsy. Gavin kept sober so that he could keep an eye on Michael.

“Hey guys!” Barbara suddenly appeared in front of the pair.

“Hey Barb.” Gavin said, laughing at how drunk she was. Michael nodded and smiled. He hadn't spoken to Barbara much but she seemed like a nice person.

“You two having a good night?” She shouted over the music, slurring every single word. She began to sway outrageously, almost spilling her drink from her cup.

“Yeah, we are thanks. Though I don't think we're having as much fun as you.” Gavin laughed again.

Michael leant into Gavin's ear so he didn't have to shout. “I'm gonna go for a piss.”

Gavin smiled at him, showing him that he had acknowledged what he said.

Michael walked away leaving Gavin and Barbara to talk. Usually, Michael would have been protective over Gavin since Barbara was beautiful and probably a much better match for Gavin than he was but he pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind. Gavin loved him and Barbara knew they were dating anyway.

Gavin had told her that he liked Michael weeks ago and when they started acting closer in school, Barbara had just guessed that they were together. She was obviously right.

Gavin focused back onto Barbara after watching Michael walk up the stairs, hoping that he was okay. Barbara began to stumble even though she was standing still. Gavin grabbed onto her arms to steady her and she looked up at him with grateful eyes.

“You alright there?” Gavin asked, chuckling slightly at his drunk friend.

Barbara sighed happily. “Thank you Gavin. You're amazing.” She smiled but her eyes were half closed.

“Okay... No problem Barb.” Gavin smiled at her.

Before Gavin could get a sense of what was happening, Barbara had stood on her tiptoes and began kissing him. Gavin's eyes opened wide and he immediately pushed her off of him. But before he could say anything, he noticed auburn curls walking in the opposite direction, towards the front door. Gavin stumbled after the boy, hoping to catch him before he got too far.

Michael tripped down the porch steps in a haze of tears and alcohol laden thoughts before he stumbled over his own feet and fell down to the grass. He pressed his hands hard into his eye sockets in an attempt to stop the tears but it failed miserably. Each shaky breath was another reminder that he was here. That he had seen Gavin kiss someone else. And this made him sob.

Michael was shocked up out of his hunched state by a hand on his back. He immediately jumped up and moved backwards toward the front of the lawn. He saw the figure that he knew so well with the unkempt hair and large nose.

“Michael.” Gavin's voice was calm but his eyes were sad, tears filling up in them. The way Gavin said Michael's name made his body shake.

“Go away Gavin.” Michael said quietly that Gavin only just picked it up.

“Michael, you need to listen to me.” Gavin tried to step closer but Michael stepped back at the same time.

“No, I won't listen to you.”

“Well at least trust me.”

“Why should I trust you Gavin?!” Michael shouted. A small crowd of about 6 started to crowd behind the two.

“Because.. I love you.” Tears started to fall from Gavin's eyes.

“That means jackshit when you kiss someone else! We had sex Gavin.” Michael looked down to the ground. “You really made me think that you loved me. And stupid little Michael-” he mocked Gavin's accent. “-believed it as well!” Michael's eyes leaked tears too but he tried to counteract them with his anger.

“Just let me explain. Please.” Gavin pleaded.

“No Gavin!” Michael continued to step backwards. “I can't believe that you made me think that you cared for me.” Michael looked down to the ground.

“But I do Michael! I'm here, I always am!”

“STOP!” Michael screamed. “Stop with that bullshit!”

“But Michael...” Gavin trailed off unsure of what to say next.

“No Gavin.” Michael's voice climbed back down to a whisper and as soon as he looked into Gavin's eyes he felt all the pain and hurt he could ever feel. It piled up in him and just as the tears started to fall again, he took off down the street. He refused to looked back even when he heard Gavin's voice shouting his name.

That stupid pronunciation. That stupid accent. That stupid hair. That stupid idiot. That stupid stupid love he felt.

Michael kept running until he could literally feel the blood pumping through his head and with each step, he realised how idiotic he had been. He didn't let himself stop until he became completely numb.

 

*

 

The days leading up to Christmas day weren't even painful. Michael couldn't feel anything. He barely cried and he barely slept. His own thoughts kept him awake at night and the constant texts from Gavin were playing with his mind.

 

Gavin Free 21:34pm Sat 20th December

Michael, you need to listen to me.

 

Gavin Free 23:06pm Sat 20th December

Please, don't ignore me.

 

Gavin Free 00:53am Sun 21st December

I can't sleep Michael. I love you so much.

 

Gavin Free 03:27am Sun 21st December

You have to believe me, it wasn't my fault.

 

Gavin Free 13:45pm Sun 21st December

I'm outside. Please look out the window and talk to me.

 

Gavin Free 01:21am Mon 22nd December

I know you're reading these texts. At least, I'm sure you are. I need to talk to you Michael. I didn't do anything but I know you won't listen to a text so I need to see you. Please, just reply.

 

Gavin Free 02:15am Mon 22nd December

I'm sorry. I love you.

 

Michael didn't reply to any of these texts but they whirled around his mind. They wouldn't stop.

Michael wasn't looking forward to Christmas day because his aunt and cousins were having dinner with them. This meant that he had to actually get out of bed and even that seemed too difficult. Getting dressed was a chore, eating was a chore, walking was exhausting. But he still didn't cry. He was just numb.

Until he walked past the Christmas tree and noticed a small red gift pushed underneath it. Michael trembled as he picked it up and stared at it for a moment.

Slowly unwrapping it, he felt tears drip down his nose. A small box was underneath the wrapping paper and inside Michael saw the start of a metal chain. In the middle of the chain was a blue diamond.

Michael took the necklace out of the box and held it up before crashing to the ground in a fit of sobs. He clutched the necklace close to his chest, yearning for Gavin.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, they call 13 an unlucky number for a reason right?  
> I love all of you that read my work and who kudos and comment and everything <3 Thank you so much


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooooooooo sorry it's been over a month since I last updated. I took a bit of a break and basically had no inspiration but here's chapter 14 finally (even if it is a bit short).

Once the Christmas break ended, Michael tried everything he could to avoid any type of social interaction. He hadn't spoken to any of his friends over the break (nor did he speak to Gavin) and all he wanted to do was stay in bed. He didn't want to face the amount of questions he would inevitably be asked.

It was all getting too much. Every thought was of Gavin and Michael couldn't get away from them. Over the couple of weeks leading up to the return to school, he continued not to sleep properly and forever checking his phone for texts, which were always there.

 

Gavin Free 23:07pm Fri 2ndJanuary

I miss you.

 

Gavin Free 23:52 Sat 3rdJanuary

I love you.

 

Gavin Free 04:36 Sun 4thJanuary

I know you don't want to talk to me but I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow :)

 

Gavin Free 09:12 Sun 4thJanuary

I hope you understand why I keep sending you messages even though you don't reply

 

Gavin Free 22:48 Sun 4thJanuary

I'm drowning in my own thoughts Michael. I love you and I'm sorry but you have to trust me. I didn't do anything, Barbara came onto me. Please, I'm begging you. You mean the entire world to me and I can't bare the silence any more...

 

Michael didn't believe a single word even though every bone in his body told him to trust Gavin. It seemed plausible that Barbara had come onto him since she was so drunk but Michael had to be honest with himself. He wouldn't allow himself to trust so easily because he knew it would only lead to pain. His heart hurt and his entire body ached from the want of Gavin but his brain convinced him to be rational.

It was comforting to remember that Gavin was still there and from his texts, he seemed to care about Michael. That was why he checked to find them. Otherwise, he felt more alone than ever. He felt as though if he disappeared, no one would actually notice. The thoughts were playing with his mind.

Monday morning came around, and even though Michael hadn't spoken to his friends in weeks, Geoff still came honking his horn. Michael tugged on a jacket and looked at his reflection before he left.

He was still Michael but a very tired Michael. The dark circles under his eyes were the most prominent feature since he'd looked like he'd been punched and the way his hair stuck up in every direction added to the 'I don't care' look. He had lost a lot of weight too due to not eating. He hadn't done it intentionally but these things just happen. He rubbed the back of his neck out of habit and felt the cool touch of metal.

He kept Gavin's necklace on. He couldn't bare to leave it shoved in a drawer somewhere and for some reason, it gave him a new found confidence. One that he wasn't aware of until he got to school.

 

Michael trudged into homeroom, head hanging low, hoping no one would notice him. He started to feel slightly better after finding out that his friends didn't hate him and that they understood that he needed time to himself. He had explained how he didn't want to ignore them but he just couldn't find the energy to talk to anyone. Thankfully, they dismissed his worries and told him that everything was fine.

However, the fact that his friends knew about what happened between Michael and Gavin unnerved him. He hadn't told them and apparently they hadn't spoken to Gavin since the night of the party. This meant that other people around school had to know.

Michael fell into his seat and crossed his arms on the table, placing his head in between them in an attempt to block out the people around him. He managed to stay there for 10 minutes before he got interrupted by a light hit on his head.

Michael looked up from his place on the table and saw a small scrunched up note in front of him. Before picking it up, he peered around the room in search of the person that threw it, however everyone was facing down towards their work.

Michael picked up the note, unfolding it cautiously to find a single word scrawled in the centre.

"Faggot!"

Michael's heart didn't pick up nor did his breathing become irregular. Instead he felt his fists clench as if they had a mind of their own and his face became really hot as if it was on fire. He finally felt anger again but this time it came back ten times worse.

Michael had only just managed to calm himself down when 2 minutes later, another note came hurtling towards him. He opened it without hesitation and read the small note, but this time it was in a different handwriting.

"You wanna fuck me as well as Gavin?"

Before he could finish reading the note, another one bounced in front of him. Again, this one in a different handwriting.

"Fucking queer!"

And that was the last straw for Michael. He tossed the paper to the ground and stormed out of the room, breathing heavy. His fists were clenched the whole time as he stomped down the hallway.

His face was red hot and his thoughts raced with the idea of Gavin and the jocks and everyone knowing about his sexuality. Everyone knew that they had a relationship. He wasn't even entirely annoyed with that fact but he was more annoyed that people were mocking him for it. What Michael and Gavin had was special and shouldn't be ridiculed. He was so infuriated and lost in his own thoughts that he nearly collided with another person in the hallway.

"Michael?"

Michael stopped walking away from the person and froze. He knew that voice so well and he hadn't heard it in weeks. Every part of his body stayed completely still as he took a deep breath in, trying to keep his thoughts straight. He slowly turned to find Gavin looking back at him with wide eyes.

He'd forgotten how good Gavin looked. Though his eyelids hung low over his eyes and the bags underneath were deep blue, he still looked handsome. His hair stuck up in every direction and the way his shirt clung to his arms made Michael forget everything for a moment.

He wasn't aware he was staring until Gavin began to step closer to him. Michael followed these steps but by backing away. He couldn't do this right now. He wasn't ready to start talking to Gavin yet, especially with how his mind was racing right now. Gavin stopped moving when he noticed he wasn't getting anywhere.

"Are you okay Michael?"

"I'm fine." Michael said shortly, averting his gaze away from Gavin's stare.

"You don't look it." Gavin smiled to soften the tension that was held around them.

Michael was mesmerised by that smile. The way Gavin's lips curled perfectly in the corners as if he was smirking, but it was sincere.

He rubbed the back of his neck, initially feeling sweat but then he felt the cool touch of metal. The necklace gave him a feeling he couldn't quite describe but he knew he needed to get away from Gavin.

“Michael?” Gavin sounded like he was teasing him.

“Fuck off Gavin.” Michael stared at Gavin, expressing as little emotion possible. He couldn't let Gavin know that he was upset or even angry.

“But.. can we talk?” Gavin asked hesitantly, eyes hopeful.

“No, we can't.” Michael continued to glare blankly before turning on his heel just as the bell rang.

Michael crashed through the front door of the school, pulling his hair tight. He wished he felt all the feelings of heartache and distress that he'd felt the previous day but instead he was furious with Gavin. He was furious with anyone that made a mockery of him. And he was also furious with himself for continuing to love someone so unfaithful but so hypnotizing.

 

*

 

3 weeks passed and not much had changed. Michael was still getting tormented day in and day out but now that he had resorted to frustration, it made the whole situation a bit easier. He was able to shout at people, really letting his feelings out for once. It was wrong to say that Michael was happy but not every waking thought was of Gavin which finally helped him to sleep at night.

However Gavin was just getting worse. He'd lost his boyfriend and with it all his friends. He had no where to go, no one to turn to. So he resorted back to football as it was the only thing left.

Playing football released all his pent up anger with himself and caused him to stop thinking for a while. He was able to avoid his problems with Michael and step away from how lonely he was.

Gavin wasn't exactly friends with the other team members but it was nice to be around people, even if they didn't talk to you. Otherwise, he spent his lunch in the library, moping in the corner.

For the next practice, Gavin was told to arrive early so he rushed from the end of school to get to the changing rooms. He ignored the stares that followed him down the hall as whispering mumbled around him. Not a single person in the school had stopped talking about his and Michael's relationship and it didn't really bother him as long as he wasn't being directly attacked.

On his way to the changing rooms, he passed Barbara where they exchanged friendly smiles. They hadn't had spoken since the Christmas party and he was pretty certain that Barbara hadn't remembered any of it. It didn't matter anyway because Gavin blamed himself for letting it happen and Michael didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

Gavin strolled into the changing rooms to find the entire team sat on the benches, apparently waiting for something. As soon as he stepped in, all eyes faced towards him, a serious gaze infesting their faces.

Miles was the first to speak and told Gavin to take a seat. Gavin hesitated before sitting on a bench the furthest away from the others, keeping inside himself as insecurities swarmed his thoughts.

“Look Gavin...” Miles started before losing his voice. He tried to start again. “We've been talking.” Again, his voice failed him.

Blaine interrupted by standing up, getting straight to the point. “You can't be on the team anymore.” Gavin's face obviously portrayed a sense of hurt as Blaine sat down slowly, realising his mistake in his outburst.

“Wh- Why?” Gavin stumbled over his words. He looked around the team for an answer but they all looked down in shame. “Tell me!” Gavin spoke louder to get a reaction.

Kerry finally spoke up. “You see, with all this shit about you and Michael, the football team is kind of losing its respect.”

“What are you talking about?” Gavin asked quietly.

“We care about you Gav but the rest of the school don't. And it's paying it's toll on all of us.”

Gavin stood up, ready to storm out. “Well you obviously don't care about me! Otherwise, you'd care more about your “friend” than your reputation!”

“Gavin, don't take it the wrong way.” Miles spoke calmly.

“What's the right way?!” Gavin shouted.

“We don't want to get rid of you. You're an awesome player but the biggest part of the football team is the image. And you're not really setting it.” Blaine spoke.

“You're all assholes.” Gavin said under his breath however he hoped that they'd heard him say it. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. Now, he literally had nothing. Absolutely nothing left. No friends, no boyfriend, no release. His hands were shaking as he pushed open the door to the bathroom.

Gavin quickly locked himself into the furthest cubicle and fell to the ground, head in his hands. He rocked back and forth before realising he was in the exact same place that he and Michael had met. This fact made him shake more violently until he couldn't control his breathing or sobbing.

Now the table's had turned. However, the only difference was that Gavin knew Michael wouldn't walk through the door to comfort him, and tell him that he'd always be there.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this fic is 19 chapters so we're close to the end but that number may change slightly. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!!  
> Warning: homophobic slurs and such of that nature

Gavin hadn't been doing so well. He thought that after a month, his feelings and emotions would have subsided but it was nearing the end of February and he didn't know how to cope.

Gavin spent a lot of time by himself due to his lack of friends, and now football team. He still had Barbara but she always hang out with her friends which Gavin understood. He didn’t want to bother her anyway. Unfortunately, he had a lot of time to think. A lot of it was unhealthy, making him lose track of who he was.

He didn't leave his room and when he was at school, he ignored everyone, only speaking if he was spoken to. He tried to avoid his old friends and with that, Michael. But it was getting difficult.

Gavin would turn a corner and there Michael would be, in a baseball tee that was tight around the arms, pronouncing his muscles. With his tendrils of hair getting longer, flopping in front of his face. His freckles littering his face, looking absolutely irresistible every time his cheeks lifted with a smile.

But that image of Michael was ruined when Gavin remembered that Michael had been shouting at a random person in the hallway. Every time Gavin saw Michael now, he was either shouting at someone or so red in the face that he looked like he was going to throw a punch. He would usually try to ignore the situation and just walk away.

Gavin had also given up texting Michael. He liked the comfort of knowing that someone was on the other end but now he made himself certain that there wasn't anyone. He could've waited for a reply forever but he lost all faith and had just given up.

That was it. Gavin had just given up entirely. He wanted to find motivation but it was useless.

 

It was nearing the end of the week, which Gavin was indifferent about, when he strolled out of history to lunch. Thankfully, Michael and Gavin had moved away from each other so they no longer sat close. But it didn't matter today because Michael hadn't been in. This was weird to Gavin because Michael never missed days out of school unless there was a specific reason.

Coming out of the classroom, Gavin immediately heard loud talking. It was almost shouting but the group of people were obviously trying to keep quiet so no one heard them. It didn't exactly work.

Usually, Gavin ignored arguments in school as they meant nothing. But for some reason, this one intrigued him. He stopped before he reached the corner and hung back behind the lockers. Gavin immediately heard Michael's voice arguing with some stupid bullies.

“Oh fuck off.” Michael said, disinterested. He rolled his eyes to get his point across.

“What did you just say to me?” One of the bullies stepped forward.

“I said fuck off.” Michael stared at him without blinking.

The other bully stepped toward Michael and wrapped his arm around his neck, catching him in a headlock. “You think you got balls, don't you Jones?”

Michael was struggling to breath but still spat out the words. “Yeah I do.”

The first bully got as close to Michael's face as possible. “You got balls for Gavin. God, I'm so close to you right now Jones. Don't you just want to kiss my beautiful face?” He puckered his lips.

Michael instantly spat into his face, causing the bully to back step a bit. This apparently infuriated him as he stepped forward again and swung his fist into Michael's stomach.

Michael was winded but was still caught in the headlock so his body didn't move fluently. His neck felt weird, causing a strange pain run through his body. Michael took this pain and turned it into anger and forced his way out of the headlock. He began swinging at the bullies, hitting them every now and then but instead he was getting hurt more. Michael was caught again with his arms behind his back by the second bully.

The first bully stepped right in front of Michael's face. “Why are you bothering Jones? Who are you protecting? Yourself?”

Michael hung forward, his hair hanging in front of his face. “I'm protecting my dignity.”

The bullies laughed manically. “Yeah, right. Your dignity flew out the window the moment you touched that other boy.”

Michael kept quiet, unable to physically reply. All his energy had dissipated and he wasn't able to talk about Gavin right now.

“Can't defend yourself faggot? If you can't defend yourself, who can? Gavin? You make me sick.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Michael mumbled.

“What did you say?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Michael raised his head to directly stare at the bully but he didn't have the energy to do much else.

“Oh, did I strike a nerve?”

“No.” Michael looked back down, trying to get away from the situation.

“So it wouldn't hurt if I said being gay is fucking gross? Does it hurt to know that that other faggot never loved you because boys can't love boys? What if I said that Gavin was pathetic for ever going near you? You're disgusting, he's disgusting, your entire kind are disgusting.”

“Fuck you!” Michael shouted right into his face, moving forward as much as he could.

All the bullies did was laugh. That was the last straw for Michael.

“Stop fucking laughing. I'm not disgusting, you are. You don't deserve to live on this planet. And guess what, I love Gavin Free and I will happily admit it. And maybe that's a flaw that I have, loving someone that hurt me, but at least I don't live my life trying to make myself feel better by physically hurting others. At least I don't ridicule people that I know nothing about and at least I'm not fucking arrogant and heartless, like you.”

Those were the last words Michael could get out before his vision faded. Just before he blacked out, he saw another figure run towards the mess and try to break apart the punches and kicks that were directed at Michael.

 

Gavin thankfully didn't get too caught in the fight so he managed to haul Michael away from the bullies when a teacher broke them up. They decided it was the bullies fault so they allowed Gavin to take Michael to the school nurse.

Michael didn't exactly co-operate as Gavin dragged him down the hallway. Gavin's arm wrapped around Michael's waist was about the only support he could give but it was a bit of a struggle. They hobbled down the corridor, Michael still awake but unable to fully function.

Gavin had to refrain from grinning. All he could think about was Michael’s words just minutes before. He loved him. He still did. Gavin knew he still had a chance to make everything right again.

They arrived at the nurse’s office where the nurse took Michael but told Gavin that he couldn’t stay. He protested but it wasn’t worth it so he worked his way to the cafeteria, hoping to take his mind off of things.

Walking into the cafeteria, he noticed Barbara sitting on her own. Suddenly Gavin’s mind seemed to turn on like a lightbulb as he rushed over to her which stunned her for a moment.

“Barbara!” Gavin said, sitting down next to her.

“Gavin!” Barbara mocked Gavin’s enthusiasm. She was holding a thermos of coffee and as she raised it to take a sip she said, “I’m a ca-FIEND.”

He shooed her away with his hand. “Do you remember the party?”

Barbara scoffed, putting down the thermos. “There are a lot parties Gav, you’re gonna have to jog my memory.”

“The Christmas spectacular.” He used air quotations around the word ‘spectacular’, cringing at the thought of that night.

“Right, yeah, where you and Michael broke up.”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me. Well I just found out that he still loves me Barb and that means that if he knew the truth, if he just listened to me, then I still might have a chance.” Gavin took a deep breath in, realising that he hadn’t taken a breath throughout the entire sentence.

“Woah slow down. What truth?”

Gavin turned his head to the side like a confused puppy. “What do you mean?”

“I thought the question was self-explanatory.”

“The truth that I didn’t cheat on him because you were drunk and you kissed me…”

Barbara held a confused look that Gavin wasn’t sure how to react to.

“What’s this look all about?” He gestured to her face.

“What happened?” She asked, her eyebrows still furrowed in misunderstanding.

Gavin imitated her expression as he recalled the events of the night. “So Michael went to the bathroom and you started coming on to me. When he was coming down the stairs, you kissed me but I pushed you off me. Wait, you don’t remember this?”

“No!” Barbara stood. “Gavin, am I the reason you and Michael broke up?!”

He pulled on her arm to make her sit back down. “I wouldn’t say it was your fault but it probably didn’t help.”

“Oh my god! I am so sorry. I was so wasted that night, I still don’t remember anything! YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME.” She shouted.

“Okay, Barb, calm down. I thought you knew.”

“No no no! Otherwise I would have told him, wouldn’t I?!”

“Oh yeah…” Gavin trailed off in defeat. _God, he was so stupid,_ he thought to himself.

“I’ve got to tell him right now!”

“Now’s not the best time.”

“Why? This is important! You could get back together Gavin!”

“He’s kind of in the nurse’s office.”

Barbara’s face flashed with concern. “Why?”

“Fight. With those mongy little bullies.” Gavin looked down at his feet.

Barbara sighed. “I hate those guys.” She mumbled.

“Don’t worry me too.”

Barbara lifted Gavin’s head up under his chin and looked into his eyes. “I’ll make this right for you Gav, I promise.”

“I just hope he believes you.” Gavin could feel tears well up in his eyes.

Barbara quickly pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back as Gavin let out his emotions once and for all.

 

The weekend came and went in the blink of an eye; especially when you spend all your time in your room in bed. Gavin didn’t want to move, scared of the outcome of actually socialising.

He hadn’t received any type of social media request, including texts and calls, so he didn’t see a reason to go any further than his comfort zone. His physical comfort zone being his bedroom.

Just as he was trying to get to sleep ready for Monday morning, his phone vibrated on his nightstand. Gavin pushed himself over with great force to face his nightstand and pick up his mobile.

The light was piercing in the darkness of his room but as soon as his eyes adjusted, he stared at his phone in shock. The last thing he had ever expected to see recently was right there on the screen, shining brightly at him.

 

Michael Jones 00:33am Sun 1st March

Hi :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys make me so happy, just thank you reading, kudosing and commenting. It makes my life <3
> 
>  
> 
> One more thing: we love you Monty


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry for this taking 2 and a half months to be finished but it's here now and I hope you enjoy it! <3
> 
> TW: anxiety  
> I'm not labelling Michael's issues as anxiety; it's open for interpretation but it is similar so that's why there is a trigger warning.

Gavin Free 00:34 Sun 1stMarch

Um, hi

 

Michael Jones 00:34 Sun 1stMarch

We should talk

 

Gavin Free 00:35 Sun 1stMarch

I can call you if you want

 

Michael Jones 00:36 Sun 1stMarch

No, I mean face to face. Are you in your bedroom?

  
Gavin Free 00:37 Sun 1stMarch

Yes...?

 

Michael Jones 00:37 Sun 1stMarch

Just wait

 

Gavin waited under his covers just as Michael had told him to. He had a good idea of what was about to happen but the text still seemed ominous and almost unsettling.

He pulled the duvet closer to his chin, hiding from the sounds of the night and the darkness of his room. The rain was pounding against his window, fighting its way in. He was so tired that he felt his eyelids close slowly but he was too anxious to sleep.

Gavin was shocked awake from his half sleep phase to his window being pushed open, a harsh breeze hitting his face. A figure climbed in and closed the window behind them.

“Gav?” Michael whispered.

Gavin turned on a light, making Michael go temporarily blind. Once Michael regained sight, he caught his matted wet hair fall in front of him and quickly shook through it with his hands to rid some of the water. In the harsh light he could just make out Gavin's bed and the boy under the covers.

He had his duvet pulled up close to him like a source of comfort and the way his face portrayed uncertainty made Michael sigh.

He'd missed that stupid doofy face that forever held a smile. But recently, there hadn't been one plastered to him. It was replaced with sullen eyes and a constant frown.

Michael made sure not to step too far into the room as to not shock Gavin too much so he kept as close to the window as possible as the two stared at each other for what seemed like forever. The sound of the rain outside grew louder and hammered against the window with force.

Michael's mind raced with words to say but none of them seemed to be justifiable or reasonable. He hadn't spoken to Gavin in weeks and now here he was, in the bedroom of his ex-boyfriend, planning on making it up to him. However, the odds of Gavin ever taking him back after the way Michael had treated him were very slim.

“What are you doing here?” Gavin finally asked, shuffling awkwardly in his bed.

Michael looked down to the floor. “Apologising.”

“Apologising for what?” Gavin frowned as he looked at Michael but Michael tried to ignore Gavin's sympathy.

“For not trusting you.” Michael made direct eye-contact with Gavin to let him know that he was sincere.

Gavin moved to the other side of his bed and tapped the side he was just on for Michael to sit down. Michael noticed the way that Gavin's face hadn't changed from a nonchalant glare.

Michael hesitantly walked over and sat at the end of the bed, making sure to not get too much water onto the covers but it didn't seem like Gavin minded too much. He sat the furthest away from Gavin as possible. He didn't want to tempt fate by getting too close to Gavin too soon because although Gavin was a very affectionate person, all Michael wanted to do for now was talk.

“Okay Gav.” Michael paused after using the nickname. It still felt so right in his head but it tasted sour on his tongue. “I’m just going to get straight to the point because I honestly don’t know how else to talk about this.”

Gavin shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what words to use. Instead, he gazed at Michael to make him continue. He looked him up and down but without suspicion or grimace, but with what seemed to be affection.

Michael looked down to the covers on the bed and began stroking them nervously, thinking over in his head how he wanted to explain the situation and how he was going to get through it. He could feel his anxiety begin to work up and his throat close with breathlessness. He took a deep breath in before continuing.

“So, Barbara told me what happened.” He paused, hoping to regain air into his lungs but Gavin interrupted him.

“I didn’t think she’d actually say something.” Gavin mumbled to himself but Michael caught it.

“Well she did and Gavin.” He stopped for a moment. “I am so sorry. I know I should have trusted you but I’m an idiot.”

“No, no it’s fine. You don’t have to be sorry Michael.” Gavin pulled his covers closer to him to feel a bigger sense of comfort.

Michael suddenly stood up before raising his voice a little but not so much that he would disturb the others in the house. “No, Gavin it’s not okay.” He ran his hands through his thick hair and stepped around in a circle. He smiled hysterically back at Gavin, trying to deflect the onslaught of tears. “It’s not okay because I should have trusted you. You were my boyfriend, why didn’t I trust you?” Michael was thinking out loud at this point but it was the only way he knew to get his point across. Gavin flinched at the past tense but then his face flashed with concern when he saw Michael’s eyes begin to fill with tears.

“You texted me over and over again. You tried to talk to me and explain and I just wouldn't listen. What the fuck does that make me? A fucking...” Michael lost all sense of the English language. He was no longer in his angry phase and instead had slipped back into the real Michael, the one that got nervous when he had to walk outside.

“No, Michael, stop. It was my fault for letting Barbara come on to me. I should have just stopped talking to her.”

“Gavin, no! It’s not your fault, it’s not Barbara’s. The only person to blame is me because I let you go. I ran away from you without even giving you a second chance and it really shows what a shitty person I am.”

Gavin finally stood up. “Don’t you say that. You are not a shitty person Michael Jones.” They were on either side of the bed and as the tears started to draw from Michael’s eyes, all Gavin wanted to do was close the distance. He had to be strong for now as they finally talked this out.

“No but I am. Since that day I haven’t stopped thinking about you but did I ever stop to talk to you in the hallway? Did I ever reply to one of your messages? No, I let you suffer because I thought you were in the wrong. But now I know that was me and I feel all kinds of guilt and sadness. I made you lose your friends and I isolated you, Gav. You didn't deserve it. I'm just so sorry.”

A silenced lingered over the two and all that filled the room was the sound of Michael’s heavy breathing and muffled tears. Gavin took a couple of hesitant steps towards Michael as he spoke.

“Michael.” Michael felt his stomach tighten with the sound of Gavin’s voice. “Yes, you did all those things, but you were not in the wrong because I brought it upon you. Don't say it's your fault because, in reality, we're all to blame.” Gavin distracted Michael by continuing talking as he stepped closer and closer to him.

“Gavin stop!” At Michael's words, Gavin immediately stopped walking. Michael seriously began to cry then, feeling more than just the rain water take over his face. He pressed his palms into his eyes to stop the crying but it didn't work when his mind wandered over how awful he had treated Gavin. How he hadn't even thought to give him a second chance. And that he had absolutely slipped into a state where he was his regular anxiety ridden self.

Michael's friends noticed it too. He hadn't hung out with them in weeks because all Michael was known for now was bullying innocent students and nobody wanted to be friends with that guy. Michael had gotten so angry that he had left his real self behind with Gavin and failed to find it again.

But now here he was, with Gavin, and he finally found who he used to be. The guy that would be afraid of talking in class. The guy that would flinch when he heard someone laugh on the other side of the hallway. The guy that would run into bathrooms crying for no apparent reason. And Michael was glad that he'd found that again.

“You know what, no, I won't stop.” Gavin's words brought Michael out of his thoughts and back into their conversation. “You are so important to me and why would I let you go this easily?” Gavin reached Michael and put his hands on the other boy's shoulders.

Michael flinched at the touch but was kept steady from the strength Gavin forced upon him. Michael felt all his feelings for Gavin reach the top of his throat, ready to burst out and he knew that Gavin wouldn't reciprocate but he spoke anyway through his tears.

“I love you Gavin and I understand that you probably don't care about me that way any more but I am still so sorry.” Michael said through heavy breaths and sobs.

“I love you too Michael.”

Michael looked up from the floor, straight into Gavin's gaze. Shock filled his body as he repeated the words over in his head but he didn't have a lot of time to think because before he knew it Gavin's hands were in his ridiculously wet hair and their lips were touching.

Michael moved his hands to Gavin's waist, pulling the boy as close as possible, to feel the warmth and comfort he had missed for so many months. His entire body filled with what felt like familiarity to have the British boy back in his arms.

Michael's breathing had finally calmed when they pulled away and rested their foreheads against each other.

“I love you Michael Jones. But you feel like a wet dog right now.” Gavin pulled away from Michael's head but kept close in the embrace. Although it was mostly gross, Gavin couldn't let go of the one thing he had been reaching for.

“I fucking hate you.” Michael whispered but a smile lingered behind it causing the two to laugh.

Michael hadn't expected Gavin to even listen to him let alone get to a point where they were acting exactly the same as they used to. Just the thought back to their conversation made his smile lift higher than he had ever imagined.

Michael was completely comfortable to feel the familiarity of the relationship that he had missed for so long. Maybe they wouldn't be exactly the same as they used to be but they could definitely work to that point.

The one thing that made his stomach tighten and his smile grow was that Gavin still loved him. After everything that Michael had put him through, Gavin hadn't stopped loving him and this fact settled Michael down from almost throwing up with anxiety.

"You can stay if you want..." Gavin's voice interrupted Michael's thoughts as he appeared like a small child begging for candy.

"I'd like that." Michael smiled in return.

 

*

 

That Sunday night marked the night that Michael and Gavin got back together. Though they weren't perfect straight away, they were willing to battle through it to stay together. Through the night, they talked things out and tried to sort out most of the issues they had.

On Monday morning, Michael and Gavin rocked up to school together, much to Ray and Geoff's surprise. Jack and Ryan were in the library somewhere, doing some early morning studying so they were not stood by Geoff's locker with the others.

At the first sight of Michael, Geoff and Ray began waving but once they caught a sight of Gavin, they smiles faltered and turned to a grimace.

“Uh, what the fuck?” Ray demanded Michael, without looking at Gavin.

“Yeah alright. So this is gonna be a long story.” Michael wiped his face before beginning his explanation. As Michael retold the information, Gavin kept as quiet as possible, silently hoping that Ray and Geoff would believe him.

When Michael ended his explanation, there was a momentary silence before Geoff blurted, “Well fuck me in the asshole.”

“I'd rather not.” Ray responded automatically.

Geoff stepped forward and slapped a hand on Gavin's shoulder in a fatherly way. “I'm glad you're not an absolute dickhead. Otherwise, you would not be standing in front of me right now.”  
Gavin's eyes opened wider than possibly imaginable with shock but when Geoff started cackling, Gavin knew he was joking and laughed along. And then joined Michael and Ray, and the four were instantly friends again.

 

After a pretty perfect week, spring break started, allowing all 6 friends to sigh with relief as they ran out of the school on Friday afternoon.

“So, we're all coming to mine yeah?” Ray asked, walking backwards in front of the others.

“Yeah!” Ryan laughed as he scooped Ray up by his waist as he began to fall off the curb. “You're an idiot.”

Ray blushed as he began to walk forward again. “Alright, what time's everyone coming?”

As everyone kept walking on towards the parking lot, Gavin pulled Michael back quickly by the arm.

“What the fuck Gav?” Michael looked down to his arm and then up to Gavin's face.

“Can we go somewhere and talk before we go to Ray's?” Gavin held a strong, serious expression on his face that wasn't there very often.

Michael was thrown off by Gavin's change in mood. “Uh, sure. I'll drive, wherever you wanna go.”

Gavin interlocked fingers with Michael tightly as they made their way to Michael's car.

As they began climbing into the car, Jack shouted from across the parking lot. “Where are you guys going?”

“We'll be there soon.” Michael shouted back, closing the door.

“Probably fucking.” Geoff murmured but Ray caught it, causing the two to chuckle.

 

Gavin told Michael to take them to the forest so that's where he drove in complete silence, both unsure of what to say. Gavin knew exactly what he had to say but Michael was completely in the dark. His head wondered with horrible thoughts as to what Gavin wanted to talk about.

Michael began shaking slightly even though it wasn't cold and Gavin noticed the change in his boyfriend. Instantly, Gavin wrapped his hand over one of Michael's on the steering wheel as a method of reassurance. Michael calmed down slightly as he pulled up to the opening of the forest.

They climbed out of the car together and hand in hand walked down to the bench that they always went to. Gavin sat first and Michael followed shortly with building anxiety.

Gavin turned toward Michael and held onto both of his hands, gripping them, running his fingers across Michael's knuckles. He could feel them shaking underneath his own so continued to soothe them as he spoke.

Gavin took a massive breath in. “Michael... I'm leaving.” Gavin couldn't think of any other way of coming out with it so he made it into a statement and ripped off the bandaid.

Michael's eyes opened wide and stared in Gavin's. “What do you mean?” Michael spoke quietly, as if he couldn't get the words out.

“I have to go back to England.” Gavin looked down in shame.

“You have to what?” Michael's voice began to raise with a mixture of anger and nervouseness.

“My parents and I, we have to go back to England. I don't exactly know why but I also don't when we'll be able to come back either.”

“That's.. That's not fair.” Michael's eyes started to brim with tears.

Gavin automatically squeezed Michael's hands tightly with reassurance. Gavin could also feel his owns eyes begin to fill with water.

"I know it's not fair. But I can't do anything. It's not my decision."

Michael rapidly stood up out of Gavin's grip and placed his hands on his head. He began to pace with thought, leaving Gavin to worry about him.

"Why?!" Michael shouted to no one in particular. "Why does this have to happen?" Michael no longer had tears but instead his face began to turn a bright shade of red.

Gavin stood up with caution as to not frighten Michael and slowly took a couple of steps towards him.

"Michael, calm down. Please."

"Why should I calm down Gavin?! I have had to try and cope without you for months. I finally get to talk to you again, we get back together and now I find out you're leaving me again..." Michael's voice cracked on the last few words and he finally began to cry his thoughts out.

This was Gavin's cue to run to his boyfriend and hold him tight. Michael sobbed into Gavin's shoulder as Gavin shh-ed into Michael's ear. Gavin held the sides of Michael's face and turned them towards each other.

"We've got a whole week to spend with each other though. If you want, I won't leave your side until my last day. I'm never leaving you, not really. It just might be a little while until we see each other next.”

Michael wasn't able to process any words in the moment so all he did was lift one side of his mouth and nod.

Gavin pulled himself and Michael forward and their lips met with so much love and relief to be in each other's arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I am so sorry this took forever. I have GCSEs coming up and so I haven't been focused on this so if chapters take forever to come out then you know the reason. Also, we're near the end guys, like wow what?!  
> Small thing: I will still be writing Ray into my (soon to come) fanfics because I still consider him as part of the RT/AH family and I have some ideas for future fics involving him.  
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Kudos and comments are so appreciated <3


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